It's 1.45am. I should be sleeping, but I'm wide awake. So I thought, "Oh well, might as well blog about something."
I was watching '27 Dresses' last night, and there was this part where Katherine Heigl was asked about her favourite part of a wedding. You go watch it for her answer.
Most people would say the wedding starts when the guests are seated, the groom, best men and priest are ready and waiting, the music starts, and the beautiful parade of flowergirls-bridesmaid-maid of honour-bride walks down the aisle. If you asked me, the wedding starts before that. In the dressing room. When the bride takes one last look at her dress and hair and make-up in the mirror. One final look before she turns around and says, "OK, I'm ready. Let's go."
That woman in the mirror is the scariest person I've met in my entire life. More than God actually. All because I know if that girl does not like who she sees, bad things follow after. The best moments in my life came when that girl loved me. The worst times, oh well.. you get the picture.
11 years ago that girl was happy that she was doing well in school and sports, she had a guy to look up to, great friends and very little worries in life. 3 years after that, she couldn't trust anyone, and no one trusted her, not even her own parents. She couldn't even trust herself. 2 years and many more mistakes, she found happiness in best friends and gained her parents' trust again. 5 years ago, all she wanted in the world was to be in the background for she thought people who craved attention were just insecure fools. 3 years after that, she realised that the real insecure fool who was too afraid of getting out of the background was herself. Now, she looks back at me saying, "You have so much in your life now. What's this emptiness I'm still feeling?"
Maybe that's why I'm awake at this hour. Too much thinking. No, this is not a sad-so-pity-me post. This post is not even about weddings or marriage. It's just a thought that came to my mind that I'd thought I could share. I've learnt so much from that girl in the mirror. If I stare long enough at her, I'd realise that even though I find her scary, I liked her messy-just-woke-up hair, her big eyes, the tiny mole on her chin, even the pimple marks on her face. I might even look at her a bit longer and see her spirit. A spirit that wants nothing more than to live life with love, integrity, purpose, adventure.. Slowly over time, that emptiness gets smaller, but it hasn't disappeared. It's the thing that pushes me to be better. So really, I might not like feeling incomplete, but I like the feeling of knowing that there are still things to achieve and the challenge of finding out what that is.
 Image source: http://www.sharetherdream.net
So I hope, on my wedding day, if I was so lucky as to have one, I would look at myself in the mirror, check my dress, hair and make-up, look at the girl's eyes and say, "After all the pain and joy you've been through.. You go, girl."
I can only hope the man I'm marrying is not having different thoughts in his dressing room. Haha.
p/s: Bear with me. It's just a post I'd wanted to keep so that I can come back and look at it in the future. |
hey sasha. beautiful post. =)
good luck for work too. keep me updated on where you're working k?
Take care!