| Thursday, February 28, 2008 |
| Not the graduation I imagined |
I passed by the way, so that makes me Dr. Sha now.
I imagined everything to be so different. I would find out that I passed, jump or scream for joy, run around and hug or shake my friends' hands, run and hug my father when I see him, everyone would be so happy, and everything after that would be all smiles and happy tears.
Instead I remember running up to a lecturer, demanding to know why there were failures, feeling so horrible that I could feel my hands and body start to shake with each word that came out from the lecturer's mouth. All I remember after that was, I was walking with a dear friend to the university's main hall but I started to burst into tears, and moved as quickly away from the crowd as I could, to get to my car. Only when my father arrived at the university that I got out of the car in the end, wiped my tears and tried my best to smile. Even as we heard speeches to congratulate us and took oaths as new doctors, my heart was only sinking lower and lower, I refused to think of today as a good day.
I know this happens. But it still doesn't feel right. I don't feel like celebrating at all. Suddenly passing my final exam feels like I was saved from a freak car accident that killed some dear friends.
To make things worse, I thought that the idea of organizing a small intimate dinner for the batch as a graduation dinner was good enough. Now that some didn't make it, the smaller the better I think. Instead the Dean expected more. Suddenly I feel like I'm expected to organize a small Ball! Why now? Like I said, I am in no mood to celebrate anything at all. And I dislike Balls. But I guess we should reward ourselves for all the hard work the past 5 years.
All I know now is that at this moment I feel miserable instead of happy. I did not shed a single tear of joy. Oh well, in conclusion, I think my university's exam system sucks, I wish everyone passed, I'm stuck with organizing a stupid Ball over the next 2 weeks, and I feel horrible.
In time I'll smile. And hopefully the idea that I'm finally a doctor will sink in, and maybe there'll be tears of joy after that. |
posted by Sha @ 10:17 PM  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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I hope your friends will somehow get through and graduate - they can repeat the exams right? It does sound horrid that after 5 years of working so hard, this could happen. Hopefully all turns out good in time.
And has the idea that you are a doctor sunk in? It's pretty amazing that you are a qualified medical practitioner..good luck for the future dear!
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I hope your friends will somehow get through and graduate - they can repeat the exams right? It does sound horrid that after 5 years of working so hard, this could happen. Hopefully all turns out good in time.
And has the idea that you are a doctor sunk in? It's pretty amazing that you are a qualified medical practitioner..good luck for the future dear!