A mizdiagnosis

Why did I choose medicine?!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Not the graduation I imagined

I passed by the way, so that makes me Dr. Sha now.

I imagined everything to be so different. I would find out that I passed, jump or scream for joy, run around and hug or shake my friends' hands, run and hug my father when I see him, everyone would be so happy, and everything after that would be all smiles and happy tears.

Instead I remember running up to a lecturer, demanding to know why there were failures, feeling so horrible that I could feel my hands and body start to shake with each word that came out from the lecturer's mouth. All I remember after that was, I was walking with a dear friend to the university's main hall but I started to burst into tears, and moved as quickly away from the crowd as I could, to get to my car. Only when my father arrived at the university that I got out of the car in the end, wiped my tears and tried my best to smile. Even as we heard speeches to congratulate us and took oaths as new doctors, my heart was only sinking lower and lower, I refused to think of today as a good day.

I know this happens. But it still doesn't feel right. I don't feel like celebrating at all. Suddenly passing my final exam feels like I was saved from a freak car accident that killed some dear friends.

To make things worse, I thought that the idea of organizing a small intimate dinner for the batch as a graduation dinner was good enough. Now that some didn't make it, the smaller the better I think. Instead the Dean expected more. Suddenly I feel like I'm expected to organize a small Ball! Why now? Like I said, I am in no mood to celebrate anything at all. And I dislike Balls. But I guess we should reward ourselves for all the hard work the past 5 years.

All I know now is that at this moment I feel miserable instead of happy. I did not shed a single tear of joy. Oh well, in conclusion, I think my university's exam system sucks, I wish everyone passed, I'm stuck with organizing a stupid Ball over the next 2 weeks, and I feel horrible.

In time I'll smile. And hopefully the idea that I'm finally a doctor will sink in, and maybe there'll be tears of joy after that.

posted by Sha @ 10:17 PM 1 comments

Sunday, February 03, 2008

When what on the outside seems to matter

I know I'm supposed to be on hiatus. But I'm angry. Not like 'I-would-explode-anytime' kind but like 'shocked-that-such-things-DO-happen' kind.

Every one of us had to go for an interview conducted by representatives from certain government departments last week. All of us were running around getting our certificates certified, typing our resumes (doctors need resumes too it seems), cracking our heads over what to wear for the day (even the guys were looking around for the 'right' shirt) and most of all, memorising everything about Malaysia possible from the governmenr to the parliament to the 9th Malaysian Plan to the latest news to the names of our Agong and his wife and the Sultan of Johor's name to the names of people on the Ministry of Health to Chief Justice to Cabinet Ministers etc..

OK, the names-part was all done at last minute in most people's cases.

Anyway, a dear friend asked me about 2 weeks before the interview whether I was planning to buy a 'baju kurung' to wear for the interview. All because some staff from the 'government department' hinted that a baju kurung was appropriate for the interview.

My answer was no. The way I was thinking, I don't have any baju kurung that was appropriate for the interview (most are meant to be used for formal functions), and I wasn't going to spend money buying a new one for the interview when I have other clothes that I thought was appropriate for the interview. Anyway, aren't we supposed to dress up like how we would if we were going to work? Since I was not planning to wear baju kurung to work, why give that kind of impression?

Before I continue, to those who did buy a baju kurung for the interview, I'm not insulting you or making any judgements about you. I know most of you like the idea of having your own baju kurung, and that was the main reason you bought it. The interview was a good reason to go look for one. This post isn't about insulting you.

What made me angry was the response an interviewer gave when one of us decided to just wear our 'normal' working outfit. A long-sleeve shirt with a vest and a long pants. Black pants, black vest.

"Are you here to become a model or a doctor?"

What the-?

To make things worse, to add more insult, SHE had the nerve to make a comment about how my poor friend's parents didn't teach her to dress conservatively. Believe me, when you've been friends to a girl who has been dressing conservatively everytime you see her, and proud of her conservative self, the comment was uncalled for. If hearing about this makes me angry, I can only imagine the pain that comment caused her when she heard it.

Such person needs to be told off. Such interviewer should not be allowed to have such high power in that department. I do not tolerate such judgemental people deciding our fates. But how do we complaint about them? Goodness.. when the right time comes, I won't hesitate to call that person out.

I really hope the interviewer didn't make such comment just because my friend didn't wear a 'baju kurung'. Because if that was the reason, I am disappointed that such people can reach such high positions. But I guess some things can't be controlled. My only hope is that there are only a few of them with that much power around. *sigh*

p/s: I wore a matching pantsuit for my interview. Luckily for me, I didn't receive any comment about my outfit. One month of study break, then I'll be back updating you guys :)

posted by Sha @ 2:32 PM 6 comments

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Name: Sha
DOB: 6th July
Email: shasynergy@gmail.com

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