| Monday, July 20, 2009 |
| Comeback |
Hi. Wow, it's been long hasn't it? I was always trying to find a way back, but always looked at my blog and said, "Forget about it."
I didn't think anyone noticed my absence and would actually mention about it. Thanks Jules, it was nice to know I was missed and I hope motherhood is more wonderful than you had imagined it would be.
One year of housemanship has gone by and there's another year to go. Dear God, I'm getting sick of it. Yet, I'm still not ready to take the next step. MOre responsibilities. MOre demands. MOre pressure. MOre headaches. MOre expectations.
MO-ship...God help me when I'm finally a medical officer next year.
But I honestly don't mind MOre money coming into my bank account :p
OK, back to housemanship. I loved being a houseman in surgery. It was the first baby steps I took and I was lucky to have seniors who held my hands when I needed support yet they were willing to let me go run free on my own, and yes, also fall on my butt only to learn to get up again stronger than before. O&G will always be refuge to me for that's where you'll find me hiding in the hospital; with my 'mothers' aka midwives in the labour room, with my best girlfriends aka Priya & Shilpa aka O&G MOs in the clinic or wards. The paediatric ward became the love of my life. The only time you'll ever see me smile during my on-call was in the general paediatric ward. In this department I've found my sense of purpose, my first mission: to teach where I felt teaching was needed the most. All for the children's sake. Maybe I do have my father's genes.
Now I'm in the medical department. After finding everything I've wanted in the paediatric department, entering any department after that is heartbreaking. I'm counting down the days until I can open my paediatric book and start studying for my exams. Each time a paediatric MO or specialist see me, it's always, "When are you taking your exams? Quickly come back to paeds." One specialist even introduced me to another specialist, "Oh, you know Sasha? She's my paeds MO."
As you can see, I'm surviving well enough.. but there are good times and bad times. Fortunately for me, God has been kind and has blessed me with challenges that I was strong enough to handle and surprises that were too wonderful to describe. Imagine an on-call where I only had 10 patients to look after the whole night because for some odd reason there were no new patients to occupy the remaining 40+ beds in my ward, and also to disturb my 6-hour sleep :)
The only thing missing in my life now is a shoulder to cry on. I've realised that trying to be a strong, independent working woman takes a lot of hard work. I may have a lot of friends around me at my workplace but I still get lonely from time to time. Every conversation is about how someone had the worst call, the worst superiors, the worst patients. Everyone is challenging one another to become the one who's had the worst day at work. And me being me, I'll always end up keeping my mouth shut and wishing to be somewhere else, with someone else. I'll keep wishing I was with my best friends, spending one night venting out my frustrations and also sharing my joys, knowing fully well that they'll listen, and give me the big hug that I've been dying for for a very long time.
When this is all over, I'm going to take one look at my hospital, say my goodbyes, turn my back, and disappear for 2 months at least. When I'm ready, I will come back, refreshed. But at the very least, I want to come back much MOre stronger than I've ever been.
One more year to go, God help me. |
posted by Sha @ 7:48 PM  |
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