A mizdiagnosis

The power to kill

2009-09-27T00:36:00.006+08:00

He was a 'transfer-in' from the intensive care unit. He was placed in my cubicle, to be looked after by me.

I didn't like what I saw when they brought him in. He was scrawny, didn't smell right, had a tracheostomy that was so poorly maintained I could hear the amount of phlegm in it everytime he breaths. He had 'tuberculosis' and 'alcohol' written all over him. When I had finally gone through his notes, I'd learnt that he was a known case of tuberculosis admitted a month ago with severe chest infection requiring intubation and was supported by a machine for a long time, then developed a pneumothorax, then had another lung infection again. To make things short, he had one messed-up pair of lungs. Plus, I saw the words 'poor social support'.

Great, not only I have to look after this guy for a long time, I have to keep contacting the social welfare department to find a way to support him so that he can leave the hospital.

It's hard enough to take care of someone with a long-standing disease. It's harder when you're stuck with someone who is so uncooperative you'd want to yell at him everytime he refuses to eat. Then comes the part when your specialists and medical officers take one look at him and you can tell that they've given up on him ever leaving this hospital alive. Rounds will take less than a minute, all orders are 'continue the same' and finally, I'm stuck with the load of making sure his trachoestomy hygiene is maintained, his feeding is supervised, his arterial blood gases are satisfactory, and my patience and temper are in check.

Then that day came. The nurses told me he was gasping. His oxygen saturation was so low. We pulled the screen, prepared for resuscitation, but something inside of me told me, "Let him go." And there I was, 90% sure that that was the decision that I was going to make. "Let him go. If you intubate him now, he's only going to suffer more." 5 minutes later the rehabilitation team came, and the medical officer saw what was going on and I'd let her take over since she was more senior to me. They'd intubated him and he was back on the life-support machine. I could see in his eyes when he became more conscious, "Why is that tube back in my mouth?!" He didn't look happy about coming back to life.

My specialist and medical officers weren't too happy about him being back on the ventilator either.
"Should have just let him go."
"His lungs are so badly damaged. He'll never be off that ventilator now."
"Even if he walks out of this hospital, his quality of life will be horrible. Who is going to look after him?"

I was more angry with myself than with what was happening around me. I didn't become a doctor to make decisions on whether a person should be allowed to live on. I would usually leave those decisions to the family members. I've never felt so cold in my spirit as I did when I saw this man gasping for life. Days went by and I did my rounds as usual, reviewing this patient. Everyday I'd wonder, "I'm glad the rehab team came and took over, but would he be better off otherwise? Why did God intervene and brought the rehab team? Does this guy have a chance at walking out of this hospital, and living his life, despite what most doctors think?"

Yesterday, I'd learnt the truth. My colleague told me that my patient was unresponsive. By time I saw him, he was gone. We did the usual resuscitation but we all knew that he was gone. I now know that it wasn't God that told me to let that patient go a few days ago. God brought the rehab team, not to save him, but to save me. This time when my patient died, he left at God's decision, not by another human being's.

May his soul rest in peace. Thank you Lord, for saving my soul as well.

Growing up fast

2009-08-18T22:00:00.004+08:00

2 months of general medicine posting over and done with. 2 more to go. Around 60 more days, 20 more on-calls the most.. I'm dying to get out.

I'll admit that the subject is getting more and more interesting. I'd only started appreciating how we manage all the various medical conditions in our adult lives once I was sent to the first class ward in my hospital.

Whenever someone hears that you are posted to the first class ward, their first reaction would be, "Good-lah! Very relaxing one."

Relaxing, my foot. Hehe.. forgive my language.

I have been cursed in this medical posting. I call it the 2-cubicles/2-wards curse. I was made to take care of double the amount of patients as compared to other housemen in my ward since the day I'd joined in. When everyone is just handling 6-7 patients, I'm in charge of the well-being of 14-18 patients. When others get posted to the first class ward, they had a partner who'd share the load of their 10-16 patients. When I was there, I was left alone to take care of 19 patients and do errands for the 8 patients in the cardiac care unit for a week. It's exhausting, wei.. one time I was actually in tears behind my face mask because I was running around taking bloods, completing discharges, making phone calls, setting IV lines, taking ABGs and blood cultures, tracing clinic cards and scan results all by myself and at the same time running to the Dengue ward that I was on call in to see to admissions during the lunch break. I had nothing to eat from morning all the way to 4pm. The only thing that kept me going was, "Housemen before you had it worse. You are blessed to have this 'few' patients. Don't complain."

When my medical officer was quarantined for contact with a positive H1N1 patient, I was made temporary 'medical officer' of my first class ward by my consultant as we were short of medical officers to come and take care of the first class ward. So I had to start my day at 5.30am to go through my patients and do my rounds with the consultant. That turned out to be the most challenging moment of my housemenship. It's so different when you take on the position of the MO. You have to be more thorough, you have to present your cases better.. Because it's more embarassing to miss out on something important in front of a consultant than in front of a medical officer.

At the end of the day, I was glad for the experience. I came out of the first class ward back to the general medical ward more confident with myself and able to work faster. My consultant gave me a pat on the back and a patient told my consultant that I was the only houseman he would allow to set his IV lines. I found it embarassing, but my consultant smiled and said, "I guess your life is completely in her hands now."

Even a week after I had left the ward, the nurses came begging that I'd come back and re-set his IV line. "Dr Sasha, I was praying the whole day that you would come."

What better compliment would I need?

Now when a houseman complains about dying of exhaustion with the amount of work in taking care of their 6-8 patients, I just sit back and smile cos I've done all the work with my 15 patients by then. Haha.

Suddenly I'm quite excited to be a medical officer.

Comeback

2009-07-20T19:48:00.002+08:00

Hi. Wow, it's been long hasn't it? I was always trying to find a way back, but always looked at my blog and said, "Forget about it."

I didn't think anyone noticed my absence and would actually mention about it. Thanks Jules, it was nice to know I was missed and I hope motherhood is more wonderful than you had imagined it would be.

One year of housemanship has gone by and there's another year to go. Dear God, I'm getting sick of it. Yet, I'm still not ready to take the next step. MOre responsibilities. MOre demands. MOre pressure. MOre headaches. MOre expectations.

MO-ship...God help me when I'm finally a medical officer next year.
But I honestly don't mind MOre money coming into my bank account :p

OK, back to housemanship. I loved being a houseman in surgery. It was the first baby steps I took and I was lucky to have seniors who held my hands when I needed support yet they were willing to let me go run free on my own, and yes, also fall on my butt only to learn to get up again stronger than before. O&G will always be refuge to me for that's where you'll find me hiding in the hospital; with my 'mothers' aka midwives in the labour room, with my best girlfriends aka Priya & Shilpa aka O&G MOs in the clinic or wards. The paediatric ward became the love of my life. The only time you'll ever see me smile during my on-call was in the general paediatric ward. In this department I've found my sense of purpose, my first mission: to teach where I felt teaching was needed the most. All for the children's sake. Maybe I do have my father's genes.

Now I'm in the medical department. After finding everything I've wanted in the paediatric department, entering any department after that is heartbreaking. I'm counting down the days until I can open my paediatric book and start studying for my exams. Each time a paediatric MO or specialist see me, it's always, "When are you taking your exams? Quickly come back to paeds." One specialist even introduced me to another specialist, "Oh, you know Sasha? She's my paeds MO."

As you can see, I'm surviving well enough.. but there are good times and bad times. Fortunately for me, God has been kind and has blessed me with challenges that I was strong enough to handle and surprises that were too wonderful to describe. Imagine an on-call where I only had 10 patients to look after the whole night because for some odd reason there were no new patients to occupy the remaining 40+ beds in my ward, and also to disturb my 6-hour sleep :)

The only thing missing in my life now is a shoulder to cry on. I've realised that trying to be a strong, independent working woman takes a lot of hard work. I may have a lot of friends around me at my workplace but I still get lonely from time to time. Every conversation is about how someone had the worst call, the worst superiors, the worst patients. Everyone is challenging one another to become the one who's had the worst day at work. And me being me, I'll always end up keeping my mouth shut and wishing to be somewhere else, with someone else. I'll keep wishing I was with my best friends, spending one night venting out my frustrations and also sharing my joys, knowing fully well that they'll listen, and give me the big hug that I've been dying for for a very long time.

When this is all over, I'm going to take one look at my hospital, say my goodbyes, turn my back, and disappear for 2 months at least. When I'm ready, I will come back, refreshed. But at the very least, I want to come back much MOre stronger than I've ever been.

One more year to go, God help me.

"Basic principles"

2009-01-12T22:05:00.002+08:00

There's been enough entries about work. I thought I would talk about something else this time.

I'm weird. I have the tendency to watch certain movies again and again and again and again... If I was sitting in front of the TV, going through all the Astro channels, if I had to choose between a new show or movie that I thought would be interesting to check it out, and a show that I've seen and enjoyed awhile back, 90% of the time I'll watch the latter. Even if I decided to watch the new show, I'll keep turning the channel back to see which part of the old one is showing, just so that I don't miss the good parts.

It's like how I choose food also. I would rather order what's familiar and guaranteed to satisfy most of the time, and occasionally try out new dishes.

Anyway, I was watching 'Hitch' a few days ago, which is like the 10th time since it came out in the cinema I've watched it. I don't know why. I can't help myself. I don't remember liking it all that much when I caught it in the cinema, but the more I watch it, the more I like it. The more I'd feel connected to the movie.

OMG. I wonder if it's some form of hypnotism. Haha..so lame..

I AM SO SARA MELAS. We even have the same initials.

Everything about her is almost the exact thing I see in myself. I see it more now since I've started working. How she gave up her time off at a beach to go back to work? That's so like how I'd hang around the labour room or come back to ward if I thought I could help around, when someone with more sense would run back home immediately. How's she always has a way with words? I wouldn't say I'm great at it, but I do know how to talk my way into getting stuff done for me. How she'd show everyone that she doesn't really care about being single? How she's protective over family? How the only guy who could sweep her off her feet was a guy who knew what he wanted, tried to get it, failed miserably but still managed to do it with flair? How she'd use her brother-in-law as a cover to make it look like things are going good for her? How she's absolutely lousy at seeing things as it is, and always makes the wrong assumptions?

She's not 100% me but she's almost there. The good thing is that the movie had a happy ending :)

Sigh. I think O&G is starting to get to me. All I see are pregnant, married women. And their husbands. And pregnant, married nurses and female doctors. When I hang out with my MO friends, the girl-talks will be about husbands, children, being pregnant and marriage. I've lost count how many women have asked me whether I'm attached, married, on-the-way to marriage, or whether I've been pregnant before. I found myself helping a fellow colleague buy a Christmas gift for her 4 year old daughter, and I was feeling so weird looking around in the toy shops or baby shops.

I like it here in O&G. But I think it's about time I leave this department. Before my maternal instincts start kicking in.

2008: Year of achievement

2008-12-30T21:39:00.016+08:00

I'd promised myself that this year would be one full of achievements.

As I have mentioned before, 2007 was one full of personal growth and I wanted to make 2008 the product of all the internal reflection I've done in 2007.

And what a year it has been. I kept a diary where I would record every single achievements that I was proud of, no matter how small it might be.

The year started with me being drunk. HAHA. I was in Batu Pahat, in the company of my 4 closest medical batchmates, sipping on wine. But that was the time I knew who were the friends that I would always want to keep in touch with. I'll always miss the days where life's biggest decisions were, "Where to eat dinner tonight?" and the greatest adventure was driving to Johor Bahru just to catch a movie. Thank you for your friendship, eventhough it came at the end of our medical school life.

Passed my exit exam from medical school! 5 years of torture came to an end in one day, and all was good the moment I went up on stage to get my medical degree. To add icing to the cake, I was asked to give the graduation speech, the first female graduate to give one in my university. As if that wasn't good enough, I'd received a lot of compliments for giving a good, meaningful speech and my family were so proud of me that day.

Organized my batch's graduation dinner. All was good and a perfect ending to a wonderful 5 years where I've gotten to know so many great individuals who have in many ways influenced my life.

Read: The OMG post

Travelled to Queensland to stay with my best friend. Linda, hope you're doing OK. Miss you lots! Hope working life will be a great adventure for you as it has been for me...muaxx..

Read: My trip to Queensland & Goldcoast

Got to watch Formula 1 finally, with the perfect companion :) Thank you for your friendship and for listening to me cry when I'd started my working life.

Read: My most expensive date

Rearranged my parents' home when they were away at Shanghai. Tried out my internal designing skills. I think I did a good job making the place neater. Unfortunately, more than 6 months later, everything looks messy again. Haha. Oh well, I've tried my best.

Survived Induction course in Malacca and Biro Tatanegara in Negeri Sembilan. Enuff said. Seriously, it's a test of your patience and self control. Thank God I was with my medical batchmates.

Got to do my housemanship in the hospital I'd wanted. My first choice! No regrets yet as I knew all along that I would be getting a good enough (if not the best) training there. Plus it was in a town I loved staying in. Started in the surgical department and now in my third month of O&G. Over the next one and a half years it'll be Paeds, Medical, Emergency Medicine and finally Orthopaedic.

Found the perfect partner in crime during my housemanship. Though we knew each other from medical school, I'm so grateful that I had a dependable person as a close friend (platonic one, don't get funny ideas), one whom I knew I could call at unGodly hours to ask for help. I may have been irritated over a thousand times with him, but I will always be thankful for the times he was there when I didn't ask him to. I'm the luckiest houseman who has a fellow houseman who not only gives me the motivation to push myself to be better, but also one who's made housemanship an enjoyable period in my life.

I'm finally living in the perfect home, having my independence, getting paid and learning the art of surviving in the real world. Paying bills, managing money, driving myself around, running errands on my own, finding my own house, fixing and furnishing my own home. Nothing beats living the day knowing that I'm capable of taking care of myself and those around me.

Travelled to Cambodia! Fell in love with Siem Reap and will definitely make another trip.. I can't stop thinking of how wonderful it was to go there.
Made so many new friends in the most unexpected ways this year :) I'm so happy.

While I could probably think of so many more great moments, at the end of the day, I'm happy, content and in love with life. May God bless your life with joy, beauty, love and adventure, as He has blessed mine. Goodbye 2008, you've taught me so much about myself, you'll never be just another year to me. Hello 2009, this year you'll show me how exciting life will be when I choose to be spontaneous and break all the rules.

Are you as ready as I am?

Loud department

2008-12-22T22:01:00.005+08:00

Hi, long time no see.

As some of you know, I'm now 2 months into my O&G posting. Surgery came and went, I had a great time and actually dreaded the day I would leave a great department for one which I've only heard bad things about.

It started out bad. Then it became worse. I was so exhausted that I woke up late 2 days in a row (thank God it was over the weekend!), I've been embarassed countless times, I've been in tears for the amount of stress I was in, and lastly every morning was a day I woke up in fear and dread for what the day might bring.

But I'd worked my ass off. I was in the ward one hour before everyone else. I was doing night rounds when I've not slept for 30 hours straight. I was running around doing errands for my superiors. I'd tried my best to remember what is wrong with over 40 patients. I've skipped breakfast, lunch, dinner. I've gone out of my way to buy dinner for the nurses and on-call doctors when I should be going home. I've been yelled at far too many times.

Fortunately, that was then. Now 2 months down the line, what started as a department full of 'very loud' people turned out to be a place I've found great friends. And the best part, after all the hard work, my superiors are the nicest people to me now. So nice that I feel like I can get away with anything.

"Let me introduce our good houseman."
"Let Sasha do the scan. Sasha, do the full scan and inform me."
"I'll let you close this time. The next time you assist me I'll let you do more, ok?"
"Nothing that's happen is your fault. Don't worry, I have your back."
"Sasha, go teach the taggers what they are suppose to be doing."
"Dr Sasha, please counter-check this."
"Dr Sasha, got toast in the pantry for you. I made for you."

Haha. The last one really happened. A nurse in the labour room whom I've bought dinner for made toasts for me when she found out that I've not eaten my breakfast. But in conclusion, I've learnt that if I prove to my superiors that I'm willing to do more than expected and have the keen interest to learn to be better at what I do, they'll treat me with more respect and kindness than I would expect.

They told me that I would suffer in this department. They told me to keep a low profile for I would be taken advantage of.

I'd kept an open mind and heart and gave my all. 2 months down the line, I'm happy to be in this department and having the time of my life. I'm so proud of everything I've achieved. Imagine finding out that your MOs tried to fix which 5 housemen they wanted to be on-call with them, and out of the 30 housemen they could choose from, you are one of the 5?

Lesson of the day: When you are willing to move mountains for others, how can others not do the same for you?

Will be back

2008-11-19T22:16:00.002+08:00

I'm dying in O&G.

Enuff said.

Officially one of the worst departments in my hospital. Governed by unreasonable idiots who think housemen are robots who can survive a 16-hour, 7 days a week non-stop mental stress kind of work.

I'm counting the days down. One month down, 3 more to go.

There goes not only my blog's survival.. but my own life.

Sleeping sickness

2008-10-02T22:11:00.003+08:00

A typical conversation:

Normal person A: Hey, how did you spend first day of Raya?
Normal person B: Waa.. sure had fun one.. I did this, did that, ate this, ate that, saw this and that.. etc..
A: Haha.. good good.. but cannot beat me.. I did this and that and that and more!
B: Waa.. you the man la..

Another typical conversation of a different kind:

Houseman A: Yesterday I woke up at 12 in the afternoon, went out to eat.. then my dad picked me up to take me to KL.. and I slept again until 10 at night... watched a movie on Astro.. then slept again at 12 midnight.. only to wake up at 12pm the next day realising that I slept the whole 1st of October away!

Houseman B: I was post-call yesterday some more! I finished my work at 12pm.. then what did I do?

A: You ate lunch with me lah.. that also don't remember..

B: Oh ya! Ate lunch with you, then went home to sleep.. then my parents picked me up to go to KL, had dinner there.. then slept.. the next day went with uncle to look at houses that I will never be able to afford in this lifetime.. took train back and slept again.

Hope you had a good Raya, though I've missed it. Here's wishing you Selamat Hari Raya! And goodnight, sweet dreamz... Die! On-call tomorrow and Sunday :(

Wrong Impressions I

2008-08-30T00:28:00.002+08:00

Why is the focus always on reducing the waiting time in the government outpatient clinics?

While you sit at the clinic thinking to yourself like every 150-200 patients who are waiting with you, "Why are the doctors taking so long?":

The head of department is busy calling down every doctor possible to come down to clinic to help see to a politician's 'ideal pre-election promises' that waiting time in clinics should never exceed 1 hour.

While every housemen and medical officer are being ordered to attend to those in the clinic, there are one to two housemen, probably with 2 taggers the most, of whom all have less than 4 months experience of work, looking after the more critical patients in the ward.

I mean, you did mention you didn't want inexperienced doctors attending to you in your clinic right? Did anyone check whether the patients in the ward wanted the same thing?

Did I mention that there's usually no medical officer (doctors who have at least one year experience) with the housemen in the ward? That's because everyone gets told to take care of clinic patients.. the housemen seeing to clinic patients need someone to consult, surely you don't think all of them go to only one specialist or medical officer to seek advice for 150-200 patients right?

So if you think to yourself, "Wow, so many doctors attending to us in the clinic."
There's 40+ patients in the ward being looked after by 4 junior housemen.. How can bad things not happen?

So really, do you really have to take this whole 'outpatient clinic waiting time' so seriously?

To my girlfriends

2008-08-17T22:08:00.003+08:00

Dear friends,

I'm writing this to my close friends who I have not been keeping in touch with for so long. So many whom I've forgotten to call, didn't reply to their phone messages or e-mails, cancelled appointments with.. I'm sorry I've been out of touch.

How's life? How are each of you doing? Please tell me.. I may be busy with work, but I do wonder how everyone is doing everytime I think of you guys. I wish there was a way we could all meet. I really miss hanging out with all of you.

How about me? The best news I have is that I can finally move out of my hostel, which honestly is a good place to stay, but the problem with the place is that my parents can't come to my place and stay over. And I can't cook in my hostel or put a fixed phone line for internet. It's expensive to use my Celcom Broadband. I'll be renting house now, located in one of the nice housing areas here. It's really nice and I'll be living there alone next month onwards until I can find one housemate. The place has good security and my neighbours are great (all families), so don't worry about my safety. I promise I'll be careful. When my place is all set up, all of you can come over cos I'll definitely have a room to spare.

Another good news is that I'll be taking a few days off to go to Cambodia with new friends early next month. One of them is a fellow houseman and another is one of my medical officers. I can't wait for the trip. It's a good thing for me to go cos I know my later postings will be busier and I might not be able to take leave so easily. This is me taking every opportunity possible.

I'm working in the female ward now. And I really love it. Despite the fact that now I have to take care of double the number of patients that I had in the male ward during on-calls, I find it less stressful because I don't get patients with severe head trauma after a 'mat rempit' session or an alcoholic coming in vomiting massive amount of blood. After more than a month since I've started work, I've finally found a group of girlfriends I can hang out with. And they are fellow houseofficers like me in my ward. We all watch out for one another. Its wonderful when you have a friend who calls you during your call just to check whether you're doing ok, and it's a blessing when you have one who tells you that you can always call them if you really need help. Trust me, those kind of houseofficers are hard to find. I thank God everyday since I've changed wards that I've finally found girlfriends who treat me as a friend, not just as a workmate.

If you're wondering how I find working life, I wish I knew how to describe it to you. Despite being in a big hospital, it's still lacking in so many ways. You'd think that alot should be available for the patients who come to this hospital, but it was an eye-opener to find out how much they were not getting. One day when we do meet up, I'll tell you all the things I've been through. But overall, I love working as a doctor here. I hate the stress, but I would never want to be a medical student again, standing by the side as a spectator. It's great to be part of a team, contributing to a cause.

And yes, if you're wondering, I'm still single and available..heehee.. but not that no one's interested. A fellow female houseman tried to hint to me that someone likes me.. but me being me, I just ignored it, knowing that I'll act all weird around that person if I believed what she said. I was asked out once by a medical officer, but I didn't accept because of him being Muslim, me being Christian. Plus he's a self-conceited idiot. Next thing I knew, he's actually married with 2 small children. Can you imagine that?! How disgusting. Anyway, it's only been 2 months since I've started work, did you really expect me to be a hot item on the market as soon as I started work? I think most people think I'm just a plain-looking quiet girl when they see me at work. Not that I mind it. You guys know me, I'm in no rush to be in a relationship, eventhough my mother is probably praying everyday that I'd get married soon.

I really miss you guy. I never knew how much pain it was to not have your close girlfriends around to talk to until I started work. I think there were times I was in tears because I was wishing you guys were here. But I'm A-OK now because of all the good things I've told you so far. But I still wish all of you were here. I really like life now, I truly feel blessed. I am now the person I've always wanted to be, a self-sufficient independent woman. I have a place of my own, a car of my own, earning my own money, a job I'm passionate about, friends I can count on, and I truly believe it's only a matter of time until God blesses me with a guy who'll be the perfect match. Haha. It's great knowing I am able to take care of myself and my family. I hope everyone is as happy and content as myself.

I hope everyone's doing great. Do keep in touch *hugz*

Much love,
Sha

Finally! So, what's the verdict?

2008-07-26T20:18:00.004+08:00

First of all, I would like to apologive for the long absence. First, I've just started working as a houseman, and you know what they say about a doctor's workload right? Its crazy. Any free time I get I'll either be sleeping or going out. Sit by my computer to blog? Malas-nye.. :p

Second, my internet connection in the hostel is bad. I'm using Celcom Broadband for now, and I keep getting disconnected every 3-5 minutes.

Lastly, it's all personal: I was just too lazy to blog. What a bum I am.

So, the BIG question now.. how's working life?

I'll say it in one word: CRAP (or any other words with similar meaning).

You'll wake up at crappy hours. You'll sleep at crappy hours. You'll do crappy things. People will do crappy things to you. You'll see crappy things happening around you. The people I work with can have crappy attitude. The food I eat can be crappy. How much more crappy can things get? Medical school definitely didn't prepare me for the 'crappiness' I've gone through more than a month in the hospital I've worked in.

Yet,

I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT!!

I have never imagined anything making me happy to wake up at 5am in the morning and willing to stay awake for more than 24 hours.

I hate ward rounds, because that's where I'll be put under a microscope as I inform my superiors about what I know about my patients. I hate on-calls because I'm all alone taking care of 24 to 28 patients in the ward for 12 hours. I don't like being asked to accompany patients in the ambulance to KL just to meet 'bitchy' neurosurgeons who think yelling at you for not knowing enough about your patient is something you are willing to travel 45 minutes in a shaky ambulance while 'bagging' your patient's Ambu bag for. I hate medical officers who think they are so great, telling you over the phone, "I do not talk to housemen. Get your medical officer to talk to me." I hate missing my meals. I hate patient's and patient's relatives who make my work difficult. I hate workmates who disappear from the ward right after the ward round to have their morning breakfast, leaving me to deal with all the post-ward round issues. I hate it when my patients collapse or pass away during my on-call, causing so much delay in my work and making me deal with so much paperwork that my nurses will keep insisting must be done 'NOW'. Did I mention I hate most of my ward nurses also?

But at the end of the day, if one patient or their relative nod their head in greeting when I walk into the ward, smile at me, or thank me, or maybe even take my hand to shake it as they are discharged from the ward, no amount of crap that I have or will receive would spoil my day. To know that that alone can make me happy to do my job the best I can really makes my day.

I've lost count of the times I've burst into tears. I was trying to take blood from an oedematous 'physically and mentally-challenged' patient who couldn't talk, and when I'd poked him for the 5th time, looking at his face winch with pain each time the needle was in, my heart broke and I was in tears behind the curtains, whispering, "I'm sorry I can't get your blood. I'm sorry I can't find your veins. I'm sorry you can't talk and scold me. I'm so sorry you are in pain. I'm so sorry I'm not good enough."

I was in tears again when that patient passed away, and the nurses in my ward actually rejoiced at the fact that they didn't have to take care of him anymore.

It's a whole new world out there. But it's a world I feel I have so much to contribute to. The fact that a bum like me is willing to wake up at 5am every morning just to go through alot of crap shows how much I like my job. Imagine how happy I am when I saw my first paycheck. 2 months salary at one go! It's crappy pay, but it's still money. Woohoo! Note: Don't ask me to belanja you anytime soon, all that money is going be spent when I move out of my hostel soon.

I'll update more on other stuff later on. I have to go help a friend who's on-call now, part of our agreement to be one another's support system. Hope everyone is doing fine. Know that I miss every one of you so much and do take good care of yourself. God bless.

A thousand apologies

2008-06-17T14:31:00.002+08:00

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates since early May. I've just reported yesterday to the hospital that I'll be doing my housemanship for 2 years. Tomorrow will be the beginning of many things, good and bad.

Give me another 2 weeks. Hopefully I'll still be alive.

Surgery posting, here I come!

The Battle of Two Generations

2008-05-10T23:13:00.006+08:00

She wouldn't be caught dead without make-up;
I have no problem just wearing a big T-shirt with my trusty jeans and slippers.

She spends like there's no tomorrow;
I'm much happier watching my bank account grow bigger instead of my hangbag & shoe collection.

She has friends from the cleaners to salespeople to socialites to royalty;
I'm more than happy with just the friends I can count on my 2 hands.

She doesn't like anything dirty, troublesome, noisy, full of mosquitoes, without room service;
Give me challenges, I'd show you what I'm made of.

She wants me married with children as soon as possible;
I want more time enjoying being single.

When she's upset, she yells and makes sure no one escapes her temper.
Because I hate raising my voice, I'd usually bottle everything inside until I burst into tears.

She can cook up a storm;
I'm still miserably far behind.

She's obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness;

Me? Where got time to clean my room when I have exams-lah.. :p

She's a true socialite, active in whatever societies you can think of;
I'd be happy to live my life with as little problems & headaches as possible.

She doesn't care what others think of her, she does what she wants;
I'm more the diplomatic, peace-making one who wants no trouble.

Yet, the one thing we have that keeps us from killing one another is the love and respect we have for one another. Happy Mother's Day, Mummy.

My dad is much cooler

2008-04-27T23:22:00.001+08:00

I thought this was funny. I got it from Godtube.com.

Wo(man) In The Mirror

2008-04-26T01:44:00.005+08:00

It's 1.45am. I should be sleeping, but I'm wide awake. So I thought, "Oh well, might as well blog about something."

I was watching '27 Dresses' last night, and there was this part where Katherine Heigl was asked about her favourite part of a wedding. You go watch it for her answer.

Most people would say the wedding starts when the guests are seated, the groom, best men and priest are ready and waiting, the music starts, and the beautiful parade of flowergirls-bridesmaid-maid of honour-bride walks down the aisle. If you asked me, the wedding starts before that. In the dressing room. When the bride takes one last look at her dress and hair and make-up in the mirror. One final look before she turns around and says, "OK, I'm ready. Let's go."

That woman in the mirror is the scariest person I've met in my entire life. More than God actually. All because I know if that girl does not like who she sees, bad things follow after. The best moments in my life came when that girl loved me. The worst times, oh well.. you get the picture.

11 years ago that girl was happy that she was doing well in school and sports, she had a guy to look up to, great friends and very little worries in life. 3 years after that, she couldn't trust anyone, and no one trusted her, not even her own parents. She couldn't even trust herself. 2 years and many more mistakes, she found happiness in best friends and gained her parents' trust again. 5 years ago, all she wanted in the world was to be in the background for she thought people who craved attention were just insecure fools. 3 years after that, she realised that the real insecure fool who was too afraid of getting out of the background was herself. Now, she looks back at me saying, "You have so much in your life now. What's this emptiness I'm still feeling?"

Maybe that's why I'm awake at this hour. Too much thinking. No, this is not a sad-so-pity-me post. This post is not even about weddings or marriage. It's just a thought that came to my mind that I'd thought I could share. I've learnt so much from that girl in the mirror. If I stare long enough at her, I'd realise that even though I find her scary, I liked her messy-just-woke-up hair, her big eyes, the tiny mole on her chin, even the pimple marks on her face. I might even look at her a bit longer and see her spirit. A spirit that wants nothing more than to live life with love, integrity, purpose, adventure.. Slowly over time, that emptiness gets smaller, but it hasn't disappeared. It's the thing that pushes me to be better. So really, I might not like feeling incomplete, but I like the feeling of knowing that there are still things to achieve and the challenge of finding out what that is.

Image source: http://www.sharetherdream.net

So I hope, on my wedding day, if I was so lucky as to have one, I would look at myself in the mirror, check my dress, hair and make-up, look at the girl's eyes and say, "After all the pain and joy you've been through.. You go, girl."

I can only hope the man I'm marrying is not having different thoughts in his dressing room. Haha.

p/s: Bear with me. It's just a post I'd wanted to keep so that I can come back and look at it in the future.

My trip to Brisbane & Goldcoast

2008-04-16T21:07:00.018+08:00

How do you define a good trip? One worth the money you'd spent? The time you took to explore a new place? The things you've seen, heard, eaten, touched, experienced? The people you had the opportunity to spend time with, getting a glimpse of their life and temporarily being in their shoes? Items that you'd brought back home to show off, whether from a great shopping experience or just simple things like a photograph? What about a trip makes you go back home thinking, "Wow.."

View from Mount Coot-tha

It's hard to describe my recent trip to Queensland in one, reasonably-long post. I'm a lazy bum, so I'm not going to be writing about my trip in several posts, one after another. Short, simple and sweet, is how I'll do this. Hope you get an idea of how 'wow-ing' my trip was.

Posers by SouthBank

One year I'd waited for this trip. One year I'd saved money. Just for one main reason, to see my best friends. Yeah, I planned my trip over the one year as if I was going to explore the whole of Australia and possibly New Zealand. But in the end, that didn't work out, but I consider myself lucky enough that I'd finally spent some great times with my best friends. Just to spend one night, updating one another, being able to give a hug after so long, to laugh together, was wonderful enough, what more with 10 days?

Pancakes & Friends :)

City Cat ride.. Warning: The breeze can be freezing..brrrr..

Brisbane was a great place too. After you've experienced Seremban and Batu Pahat, trust me, Brisbane, as boring a place as my friends there tried to tell me, it's really nice! Oh well, I'm the tourist, of course I'll say nice things. I went to West-End for pizza, fillos, nachos, lasagna and wine in Three Monkeys, SouthBank was wonderful to watch 'Step Up 2', eat Cold Rock chocolate ice cream mixed with marshmallows, walk by the river, visit the museum and eat Turkish food; shopped for dresses at great prices in Chermside Mall, Queenstreet Mall and DFO (Direct Factory Outlet); ate yummy steak with calamari at Hog's Breath, pancakes in a 24-hours pancake house and chinese food 'lebih' ajinomoto at Cyber City; took a ride along the river on the City Cat; visited animals in the Lone Pine Sanctuary; caught a great view of Brisbane from Mount Coot-tha and finally going all the way to Gold Coast to check out Surfer's Paradise & Movieworld!

Surfer's Paradise & Movieworld

I was a happy, fat, satisfied, blessed, exhausted, and I cannot stress enough, happy girl after that trip.

All because I was blessed with friends who were more than willing to skip or 'cabut' from classes just because they wanted me to enjoy my time there.

THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!! *hugz*

Stupid thing I did in Brisbane: Tried taking the public bus alone to Queenstreet Mall. The smart-overconfident-ass in me thought I was street-smart enough, next thing I knew I missed the stop I meant to get off, ended up across a long bridge, and got off at the Cultural Centre stop. I was so lost after that because I had no idea which bus to take to get back, so what did I do? Walked across that long bridge in the hot sun, calling myself an idiot, and finally finding myself in the right place. Haha.

Scariest thing in Brisbane: I was feeding a kangaroo, when this emu suddenly appeared. It wasn't staring at the food in my hand, ok? Even with my palm closed it kept coming closer, so when the kangaroo near me jumped away, I took that as a sign to 'Get away from scary bird!'

Feed the kangaroos at Lone Pine Sanctuary

Yummiest thing in Brisbane: Haiyo, this is tough. But in short, anything with bacon. *my best friends are probably fainting at this point*

Most exciting thing I did: Superman Escape! Aaaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

This is the view you'd get on the ride.. just imagine it going really fast..weeee!!

A 10-minute video I found about the ride that I thought was quite funny.

Most breath-taking moment: Being surrounded by so many flying loreekeets at feeding time. Goosebumps, man.

Biggest regret: Truthfully I had no regrets until I was seated next to 2 chatty Malay ladies in my plane flight back, when they asked me about my shopping experience in Brisbane. This is what they said, "Haiyo! You didn't go to Harbourtown?! Waa.. next time you must not miss it! We were shopping everyday over there! Haiyo, the prices there were so goooooood!! We beli so much barang!" Sheesh.. you know when Malaysian women tell you that you'd missed a great shopping experience, 100% they're probably right. Dammit.

Oh well, no such thing as a missed opportunity, just a good reason to come back.

p/s: Thank you to AirAsia for giving out free seats to GoldCoast :p

My most expensive date

2008-03-24T14:59:00.012+08:00

And I paid for most of it.

Please forgive the hand-shaking.. I was trying to watch the cars without looking through the camera :p

OK-lah. I didn't pay much. My aunt was the one who paid for most of it. As a reward for passing my exam.

But Azman was one-heck of a lucky guy to be the first on my mind to invite to join me in watching the 10th Formula 1 Race in Sepang. We had grandstand seats, which were the-best-seats ever! The best place to see the cars go through curves, speed by, skid from the road and most of all, hear their engines roar!

Uncle, salah jalan-lah!

Seriously, now I know why people pay alot to go all the way to Sepang to watch the race when they could watch it in the comfort of their homes. The sound of the engines, the atmosphere, the tension when a car skids off the road, the people that you'll meet.. I'll definitely come back. I'm glad I've seen one in the daytime now that Malaysia is considering holding the coming ones at night. Wow.. that'll be something to come for also. Have to take leave from work on a Monday if I were to do that. *sigh*

Azman did contribute here and there. He bought the RM50 car park ticket, picked me up, drove through the one and a half hour jam, bought me ear-plugs (absolute essential!), took me to Sepang Goldcoast Beach, bought me dinner, and drove me home in time for my curfew (I still have those, how dumb.. part of my parents' techniques in raising the perfect daughter..). The perfect gentleman, wouldn't you say? Haha.. Azman, you owe me for raising your saham.

Sepang Goldcoast was another breathtaking place to be. I wouldn't say it's the best beach I've been to, but it was cool to see one of Selangor's 'best-kept secret', as Azman described it. The beach was clean, which is a rarity in Malaysia, and it wasn't crowded. Perfect place for a lot of photo-taking. Also a good place for seafood, but we didn't get to test that theory though.

And like every good date, it ended with us watching the sunset (actually more like taking photos instead of sitting down). Something I've not been able to witness for so many years.

I was actually supposed to work this weekend during the Formula 1 as a merchandising hostess for a German company promoting Ferrari & Toyota. Unfortunately I realised at the last moment that there were girls more desperate for the income(RM400 for 2 days) than me, so I turned down the job. A lost opportunity to make new friends and gain some experience, but overall I didn't lose anything when I think of the great Sunday I had :)

The OMG post

2008-03-19T23:03:00.009+08:00

OMG. Talk about 2 weeks of non-stop havoc.

Ok-lah. It wasn't a havoc. But it did cause me enough stress to make my face get at least 5 new big, hard, 'painful' pimples. Otherwise, it was definitely a better experience than the ones I've had organizing other functions.

I had the opportunity to organize my batch's graduation dinner last Friday. Honestly speaking, compared with organizing Deeparaya Nite, the Malaysian Medical Students' Conference and other events I've had the privilege to be a part of the 'behind-the-scenes' people, organising my graduation dinner was easier than I'd expected.

I'll send out this picture thru emails this weekend, guys.. don't worry.. click picture for huge-ass version.. haha..

But it was still a huge relief to get it over and done with.

I think all the experience of organising events finally helped me alot. Dealing with higher authorities, delegating jobs, trying to get into peoples' heads, proper time management, making my stand, asking for help from the right people, opening up my mind to new ideas, listening to every opinion, noticing any faults in the planning instantly, 'sucking up' to the right people, having as thick a face as possible, knowing when something is good and when bad things are a big 'NO'... these were things that have somehow become 'second-nature' to me. I didn't lose my temper as much as I did before, I didn't come out of this hating anybody, most of all, I'd actually felt like I couldn't have done it any better. It was almost-perfect, which I am absolutely content with.

There were still mistakes here and there. But looking at how things went that night, I DON'T CARE. I had fun, and I was VERY sure most people had fun that night by looking at their faces.

I couldn't have done it without my batchmates. They were the best people to suffer through 5 years with.. it was a joy knowing that I'd done good enough in their eyes to make the night a memorable one. It was nice of them to let me know that the dinner went well, but really, the person who deserves thanks is every single person who I've had the privilege of knowing the past 2 and a half years in Seremban & Batu Pahat. I couldn't have done it without all of you.

OK, sentimental things aside. Let's get serious.
There was some problem with my application for temporary (or was it provisional?) registration into the Malaysian Medical Council. So my dad and I went all the way to Putrajaya to find whether the problem was dealt with properly. The speed of my registration determines which hospital I'll get posted to, so it was important for my dad and I to make sure I'd get registered a.s.a.p.

We ended up getting 'lectured' for ONE hour. Together with powerpoint presentation also.OMG.

Please let me say again. "OMG!" One hour, ok?!

But I understand the officer's frustration when we came asking what the problem was. When you have to deal with all the applications that were not done properly, or submitted late and deal with complaints from not just medical students... but housemen, medical officers, head of departments, private doctors, lawyers, ministry people.. trust me, the one hour lecture I got must be a very small torture to what this officer must be getting everyday.

All in all, I learnt some stuff. I hope my batchmates are reading this, because I think it's important for you to know. Tell others if you think they should know too.

1. Know about the Malaysian Medical Council. Not just its function and aims and objectives bla bla bla... do you know where it is? Which block, which floor? The problem with depending on others when you are registering, you end up becoming ignorant. And being ignorant, according to this officer, is the biggest attitude problem he has to deal with when it comes to dealing with doctors.

2. Did you know, that out of 1400+ of housemen who are told to apply for full registration, only an average of 2 a year will apply before the one month deadline? And 100+ will only submit their application within 6 months? What happens to the rest? The longest record for submission of application for full registration into MMC was 11 years. The doctor's excuse? He forgot.

3. The date of your submission of application (as in the date the council receives your application) is the date your compulsary service STARTS. The longer you delay, the longer your complusary service will be. Some (if not most) doctors submit their forms together for the Head of Department or Hospital Director (I'm not sure who actually) to be signed/approved/whatever.. but what happened in a few cases, was that the hospital was the one who caused the problem. The officer told me that it's always better and SAFER to submit yourself, but if you can't, just make sure the application is sent by the hospital on time. This does not mean you should be bugging the hospital administration everyday about your application.
People, some things need to be done with a certain 'method' that doesn't drive people crazy whenever they see your face. Next thing you know it'll be like, "Haiyo, that doctor coming back again."

Don't lie. You would get fed-up too.

4. Make sure your documentation was done properly. Certify it properly according to instructions, get the right people to certify it, give the right documents, pay the proper amount, read the instructions again and again and again and check your things again and again and again... and lastly, make sure your form is neat. I think I got lectured for a good 10-minutes of stupid doctors with HORRIBLE HANDWRITING!! I understand a bad handwriting if you're writing into the case note as fast as possible during your ward round, but in a application form that you can fill at home with no need to rush?

Honestly speaking, I think all of this is easier said than done. But yeah, I'm just highlighting things the offiicer told me.

5. Lastly, if problems do come up during your application, don't panic. The people working in the Council, were still more than happy to help me out. What they can't stand are people calling in, demanding to know what's wrong in an authoritative manner, like I'm God, you listen... and trust me, I saw the officer deal with a doctor who was talking in such manner right in front of me, I pitied the officer. Imagine trying to explain to someone their choices of what to do next, but they are busy interrupting and refuse to just listen. But then again, when it's a question of how long you'll end up doing compulsary service and how much longer you'll have to wait to start working in private practice and be a rich person asap, I can understand how some people can panic.

I hope that helps in some way. It'll still be 2 years before I'd need to apply for full registration, but it was good to know now the implication if I don't take my registration seriously in the future, as it'll mean I would be practising illegally if I don't attain full registration.

Waaa.. long post. OMG.

Curiosity killed the cat

2008-03-09T14:04:00.007+08:00

If you sat next to a transvestitite during a function, do you get this burning desire to ask some 'personal' questions? I don't dare to though.. I'm too worried about causing offense.

I don't like making judgements on others, as long as they are happy with who they are, I'm A-OK with anything.. but I do have a curious mind.

Just something I wanted to ask you guys after I attended a function a few days ago.

Anyway, this photo was taken when we went for Jenn's house party last night to celebrate her graduation and becoming a doctor with her family. Eventhough we were suppose to celebrate graduating, the party ended up being a post-election gathering, what with the unbelievable results from election. If it was too stressful to watch the news, we'd watch either badminton or Man U match. That also turned out to be stressful, what with Malaysia and Man U losing. *sigh*

Let's hope for the best now, Malaysia. Salary got increase or not? Don't phunk with my heart with all your pre-election speeches..

Feeling much better. Thanks, guys!

2008-03-01T19:49:00.003+08:00

This is just a song for those who have been feeling down lately, for whatever reasons. I'm a rock chick, so if anything can pick me up and make me jump around my bedroom like an idiot, it's a rock song. Hope you like it. If you're not feeling down, just enjoy seeing people in their lingerie, as kinky as it is, I hope you understand the meaning of the ending of the video and the lyrics.

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle Lyrics

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything will be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everthing, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts, are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything It'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Not the graduation I imagined

2008-02-28T22:17:00.004+08:00

I passed by the way, so that makes me Dr. Sha now.

I imagined everything to be so different. I would find out that I passed, jump or scream for joy, run around and hug or shake my friends' hands, run and hug my father when I see him, everyone would be so happy, and everything after that would be all smiles and happy tears.

Instead I remember running up to a lecturer, demanding to know why there were failures, feeling so horrible that I could feel my hands and body start to shake with each word that came out from the lecturer's mouth. All I remember after that was, I was walking with a dear friend to the university's main hall but I started to burst into tears, and moved as quickly away from the crowd as I could, to get to my car. Only when my father arrived at the university that I got out of the car in the end, wiped my tears and tried my best to smile. Even as we heard speeches to congratulate us and took oaths as new doctors, my heart was only sinking lower and lower, I refused to think of today as a good day.

I know this happens. But it still doesn't feel right. I don't feel like celebrating at all. Suddenly passing my final exam feels like I was saved from a freak car accident that killed some dear friends.

To make things worse, I thought that the idea of organizing a small intimate dinner for the batch as a graduation dinner was good enough. Now that some didn't make it, the smaller the better I think. Instead the Dean expected more. Suddenly I feel like I'm expected to organize a small Ball! Why now? Like I said, I am in no mood to celebrate anything at all. And I dislike Balls. But I guess we should reward ourselves for all the hard work the past 5 years.

All I know now is that at this moment I feel miserable instead of happy. I did not shed a single tear of joy. Oh well, in conclusion, I think my university's exam system sucks, I wish everyone passed, I'm stuck with organizing a stupid Ball over the next 2 weeks, and I feel horrible.

In time I'll smile. And hopefully the idea that I'm finally a doctor will sink in, and maybe there'll be tears of joy after that.

When what on the outside seems to matter

2008-02-03T14:32:00.000+08:00

I know I'm supposed to be on hiatus. But I'm angry. Not like 'I-would-explode-anytime' kind but like 'shocked-that-such-things-DO-happen' kind.

Every one of us had to go for an interview conducted by representatives from certain government departments last week. All of us were running around getting our certificates certified, typing our resumes (doctors need resumes too it seems), cracking our heads over what to wear for the day (even the guys were looking around for the 'right' shirt) and most of all, memorising everything about Malaysia possible from the governmenr to the parliament to the 9th Malaysian Plan to the latest news to the names of our Agong and his wife and the Sultan of Johor's name to the names of people on the Ministry of Health to Chief Justice to Cabinet Ministers etc..

OK, the names-part was all done at last minute in most people's cases.

Anyway, a dear friend asked me about 2 weeks before the interview whether I was planning to buy a 'baju kurung' to wear for the interview. All because some staff from the 'government department' hinted that a baju kurung was appropriate for the interview.

My answer was no. The way I was thinking, I don't have any baju kurung that was appropriate for the interview (most are meant to be used for formal functions), and I wasn't going to spend money buying a new one for the interview when I have other clothes that I thought was appropriate for the interview. Anyway, aren't we supposed to dress up like how we would if we were going to work? Since I was not planning to wear baju kurung to work, why give that kind of impression?

Before I continue, to those who did buy a baju kurung for the interview, I'm not insulting you or making any judgements about you. I know most of you like the idea of having your own baju kurung, and that was the main reason you bought it. The interview was a good reason to go look for one. This post isn't about insulting you.

What made me angry was the response an interviewer gave when one of us decided to just wear our 'normal' working outfit. A long-sleeve shirt with a vest and a long pants. Black pants, black vest.

"Are you here to become a model or a doctor?"

What the-?

To make things worse, to add more insult, SHE had the nerve to make a comment about how my poor friend's parents didn't teach her to dress conservatively. Believe me, when you've been friends to a girl who has been dressing conservatively everytime you see her, and proud of her conservative self, the comment was uncalled for. If hearing about this makes me angry, I can only imagine the pain that comment caused her when she heard it.

Such person needs to be told off. Such interviewer should not be allowed to have such high power in that department. I do not tolerate such judgemental people deciding our fates. But how do we complaint about them? Goodness.. when the right time comes, I won't hesitate to call that person out.

I really hope the interviewer didn't make such comment just because my friend didn't wear a 'baju kurung'. Because if that was the reason, I am disappointed that such people can reach such high positions. But I guess some things can't be controlled. My only hope is that there are only a few of them with that much power around. *sigh*

p/s: I wore a matching pantsuit for my interview. Luckily for me, I didn't receive any comment about my outfit. One month of study break, then I'll be back updating you guys :)

This is for my comrades (C205)

2008-01-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

2 and a half years in clinical school almost up.

Thank you for being a part of my world and making it brighter.

Wherever I go, it's wonderful to be greeted with a smile, or some 'silliness'.

For all you've done for me out of friendship, be it a small deed,

Or something grand,

Whether you're a hot chick,

Or a macho guy,

I shall remember you for the rest of my life. May God bless you with all things precious and beautiful.

I know it's been an exhausting 5 years..

But was the memories and friendship not worth it?

Whether we were in the dark,

Or in the brightest of moments,

we came through holding hands, stronger than ever.

C205, no matter what anyone says about our batch..

I know we'll prove to all that we are the best!

To all out there, watch out.. the doctors who'll change your world are coming out soon! Do you trust us?

God save the world. HAHA.

These pictures were taken during our recent Health Promotion and Village Adoption Project

P/S: I'm going to stop blogging temporarily. My focus is on getting my degree. Hopefully when I'm back, it'll be me announcing my graduation. See you soon.

Another year, another chance

2008-01-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year 2008

May you have a great year ahead of you. God bless you always.

2006 was about experiences, 2007 was about growth, this year will be about achievements. From the way I see it, if I can do great things on my first year as a doctor, imagine where I'll be in years to come? First things first though: Graduation. Time to go get what I deserve.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T22:00:00.000+08:00

I had a long entry written up for my Christmas post. Trust one of my best friends to give me a better idea.

A while back I let you guys see me and my best friends show our singing skills.
Read: Red Box Disaster

Now, you can entertain yourself by watching my best friends and I dance!

Click here: Sasha the Uncoordinated Dancing Elf

My best friends and I, guaranteed stupidity and silliness in the first degree. And proud of it too.
Linda, Pam & Stacey: Love you guys! Have a BIG Xmas hug from me!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Daddy knows best

2007-12-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

This morning, I woke up with a horrible flu. So I went up to my parents' bedroom to complain to my dad, and to also ask for treatment, seeing that my dad should know what is the best medicine for my flu:

Me: Paaa... I'm sick.
Dad: Looks like have to take you go shopping.

O_o

Like I said, best medicine for MY flu.

Happy Christmas shopping everyone!

Note: To all M103s who went for the gathering, I'm so sorry I didn't come. I had to take mummy out for her birthday eve dinner. I will try to make it if there's another gathering in the future!

Zouk Out 2007

2007-12-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

My first rave party on Siloso Beach, Singapore.

I do not recommend you joining this crowd if being squashed in between half naked sweaty men and women in this crowd is too much for you.. but the atmosphere was definitely something to experience!

I 'partied like a rockstar', fell in love in the 'first degree' (with hot half naked men *sweat* haha!), danced with the 'love generation'.. I've run out of clever lines, but you get the picture, no?

Stefan, Jenn, unknown Indon-Chinese chick, Christian, yours truly and Deborah :)

I had a blast last weekend in Singapore, despite losing my handphone on my first night there. Singapore seems to be a bad luck city for me. But anyway, it was wonderful to be able to go to Zouk Out with Jenn and her friends. We stayed in a hostel and partied on Sentosa from Saturday 8pm all the way to 8am the next day. It was crazy I tell you, but sooo worth it! Thank God for all the on-calls I've had, because I wouldn't have been able to stand up for that many hours!

The next morning.. no one sleeps, man! Groovy!

They said the previous ZoukOuts were better, but who cares? I had fun!

See you in ZoukOut 2008! Dear God, please let me get leave to go there!

Image source: Probonocolumnist

Another year coming to an end

2007-12-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

Less than a month left until 2008 comes along. Personally I think 2006 was better than 2007, but that's because it was an eventful year for me. So much happened, so many new experiences.
Read: Recap of 2006

I remember being happy and excited about the new year when 2007 came. I decided to concentrate more on personal growth. It was like, "God , if you think something will make me into a better, wiser, more complete person, bring it on. I'm up for the challenge."

Be careful what you wish for. You might get it. The problem is, will you like what you get in the end?

Someone said to me that I think too much. Once I took that as an insult. Now when I look back, I've saved myself a lot of trouble because I took the time to sit down, and think. "The real trick in life is to turn hindsight into foresight that reveals insight."

January and February were my elective months. Nothing beats starting a new year like having a 2 months so-called 'holiday'.

Christmas is coming! Yippee!! *image source:www.stonehousecollection.com

I did a two-week attachment in Gleneagles under my godfather. While I learnt alot in the hospital, the lessons I valued were the ones that had nothing to do with medicine. There was alot to talk about with my godfather, a doctor who'd served the government until he retired: the importance of good networking, believing that it's possible to do good for those around you even with limited resources, to see every individual around you as someone worth knowing better, regardless of race and religion; treating your patient with the highest respect because you are who you are because of them... My godfather told me, "When you are willing to move mountains for any person, God himself will move mountains for you."

I even learnt some Mandarin. Conclusion: Don't bother talking to me in Mandarin, I don't know anything! *sob sob* But I am determined to take classes again in the near future. Just need to graduate from medical school first.

'Visit Malaysia 2007' was finally here.. and I went to London and Paris. Haha. Being overseas for 2 weeks made me realise how much I liked Malaysia. I don't think I would have liked living in UK. Weird, right? To think years ago I dreamt of being in 'kwai-loh' land. But I like almost everything about Malaysia: the weather, the food, the lifestyle, the shopping, the people.. what's not to like? I have my own complaints about Malaysia, but I'm proud to say it's a country I would fight for. I don't care what happens in the end, I'm all for being a true Malaysian. But I can't predict the future, sometimes life circumstances can change things. Who knows, I might end up living somewhere else. I hope not, though.. for now my heart is here.

I realised that I've never posted on my London and Paris trip.. haha..

My final semester in Seremban was a stressful one. Everyday was a routine: go to the ward, go to class, come home, go for study groups, study for exams, mess up in exams, be utterly disappointed with my results, then get stressed about finals. But in the end, I've gained friends who I trust to help me with my problems, both academic and personal ones. I've learnt to get up after each fall, to hold my head up, to be happy with what I know and to not take things like exam results so seriously. I remember sitting down with a lecturer, going over my posting exam results, with tears in my eyes, and he told me, "I was an average medical student last time. But I know what I know now because I took the time to reflect, and I always challenge myself to be better."

Until this day I have the deepest respect for him for taking the time to sit down with me and making me see how much hope there is out there, and how great a teacher he really is.

I've finally learnt the true meaning of forgiving and forgetting. Being hurt and betrayed by someone I wanted so badly to trust, I thought I could never look at him in the eye again. But after one year since I'd told him to stay away from me, it's amazing I can stand near him and have a normal conversation now, as if we didn't avoid each other at all. Unfortunately, forgiving and forgeting doesn't erase the things said and done in the past. Suddenly I've become more sensitive to the things I say or do when he's around, so much so that I can't be myself anymore. What to do, what to say next, am I being too forward or too distant? Looks like the damage's been done. Oh well, life's not perfect right? Too bad, Sasha.. better to move on. I have friends whom I feel more comfortable with, so I think I'll stick with who I'm happy being around with.

My birthday was the best yet. Thanks to friends who were willing to go out of the way to make me feel special. God bless them. Nothing makes a person feel good about themselves more than friends who love them for who they truly are.

This year I've seen so much in the people around me, I've read so much about mistakes others made in the past and what they've overcome through faith and strength, I've gained friends, lost friends, found my strength and flaws.. God knows I've been moody and irritable so many times this year, yet there were moment when I was so happy with my life. I may not be perfect, but I am not looking for perfection. It's hope that I'm looking for. The chance of finding true happiness within oneself.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when an adult is afraid of the light" - Plato

Damnit. Height-discrimination.

One more month to 2008. One more month to make this year mean something. Bring it on, God. I'm challenged. Are you with me?

1 more year?!

2007-11-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

Housemanship in Malaysia has been extended to two years for new graduates. One more year to be treated like the lowest lifeform in the hospital.

This is an example of times when I truly ask myself, "Why did I choose medicine?!!"

I really have no 'polite' words to describe what I really think about this. So I'll save it, go to a quiet corner, and repeat to myself, "Being a doctor is the noblest job of all" until my head can't think of anything else.

Oh well. In Kanye's words, "What don't kill me, only makes me stronger.." One more year of more training can only make you better, right?

But on the other hand, "%&$@ it, man." *sulk sulk*

Sources: New Straits Times Online, The Star Online, Malaysian Medical Resource

Sigh.. I can't even say of anything funny about this picture. I'm not looking forward to graduation anymore... :(

Like mother like children?

2007-11-19T20:02:00.000+08:00

I watched this movie over the weekend. It's not really something I would watch, seeing that it's about crime, but the reason I bought the DVD was because the DVD-seller was trying so hard to convince me that it's a good movie, and because of the:

"JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS A REVELATION"

Reeeaaaally? *rub chin in curiosity*

I'm not a fan of his, I don't have any of his solo albums, I prefered JC over him in N'Sync.. but I was curious if he really was that good at acting.

I don't really like crime movies. In short, I'm content to live my life knowing there are dangerous people out there that could hurt you and you need to always be cautious, but spare me the details on what happens to the victims. Yeah, tell me some poor girl got raped where and when and and why she became a victim. Don't tell me in detail what exactly was done to her. Maybe I'm fragile, use whatever word you want. That's why I've not watched more that 10 episodes of CSI and Law & Order.

But I started thinking about how raising a child is, what's the word? Challenging? How the wrong kind of parenting can make your children become the worst kind of people. That's why I still can't imagine myself having children. I've had friends tell me how adorable it is to have a little 'you' to look after.. but my fear comes when I imagine the little 'you' becoming a bigger 'you'.

When we're that small, we all want our 'mummy'.. in my case, I was, and still is a daddy's girl :p

That's the thing that gets me thinking. My child might be 'me'. Will they make the same stupid mistakes I did? Will she become as stupid as I was if she had a crush on a guy 5 years older than she is? Will she illegally enter a club, drink too much, take drugs, do something stupid? Will she think sleeping with a guy after finishing Form 5 was something to try out? Yes, I was that dumb, except I have yet to get wasted and high on drugs. And no, I broke up with the guy long before there was a chance to have a 'sleepover'. A guy I trusted tried to take things too far once, but I was strong enough to not give in to 'flowery words' and 'affectionate hand-holding'. Thank God. But will my daughter know what to do if the same thing happens to her? Will my son be stupid enough to treat a girl in such a demeaning way?

I'm lucky, my parents did the right thing that prevented me from doing so many things that I would regret. The problem is, what exactly did they do? Will I know what to do when my time comes? But one thing for sure, I'm glad I was raised the way I was. Where yelling and major punishment was the way to get your point across to your children (my mother's style) and giving a 'disappointed look' without having to say a word was scary enough (daddy's trademark). Yet my brother and I could still share anything with our parents without fear of being judged badly or insulted. We know they are doing what they believe is best for us. God knows what my style will be. Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough if I was so lucky to get married *shivers* and have children *hair raised*.

Lastly, no way was he a revelation. And the movie wasn't that great, it's so predictable.

Dealing with lives

2007-11-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

4 weeks into my Surgery posting, and 90% of the patients who have cancer that I've seen are coming to hospital because of recurrence of their cancer or metastases.

A 42 year old woman had a breast tumour the size of a fist on her chest. We found out that she had a mastectomy and axillary clearance awhile ago and did not do any radiotherapy or chemotherapy because of financial problems. When asked why she did not seek medical help when the new tumour was growing, she said she had to look after her 43 year old husband who had liver cancer. He's now in a vegetative state, and she's having severe back pain (possibly cancer spread to the spine). Her eldest child is 15 and youngest is 5 years old. There's no one else to look after her children if anything happens to her.

And all the doctor said was, "Makcik, you pergi JB Hospital jumpa doktor pakar cancer, ok?"

That's it. No explanation, no counselling, nothing.

A woman in her 50s was told that she had rectal cancer and that she needed surgery. She insisted that she did not want surgery for fear of pain. I realised that she is so afraid of surgery anywhere near her rectum because of painful experiences when she did her colonoscope. And now she's willing to do anything but go for surgery.

All the doctor did was tell her that the worse thing that could happen to her was being unable to pass motion.

That's it. No convincing her that if she delays surgery, the cancer could spread to other parts of her body and cause more pain and suffering. No explanation on how the surgery could possibly save or prolong her life. Nothing.

A woman in our ward was admitted for breast cancer which later caused 'automastectomy', basically the breast tissue died off by itself. She was told she had breast cancer awhile back but she did not come back for treatment. I'm thinking the doctor gave poor counselling or she was too afraid to do a mastectomy.

A 32 year old woman with bilateral breast cancer passed away in our ward. To lose your life at such a young age.

If I was their doctor, and I took 10 extra minutes to talk to them, convince them to let me help them, to find a way to make them see that they have a chance to prolong their lives, would it have made a difference?

A specialist once said, "Some of you are religious people. You are willing to spend 2 hours in the church, mosque or temple, but do you spend 5 minutes holding the hand of the patient in your ward? 5 minutes talking to the patient in your clinic?"

Doctors have the power to kill, not heal. If you do something wrong, you will kill your patient. If you don't do something right, you will kill your patient.

Batu Pahat

2007-10-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

Finally I can say something about Batu Pahat..

The land where there's so much food, and every lunch hour everyone will go, "Where to eat, ah?"

"Anywhere" or "Up to you"

If I owned my own restaurant, I'd call it "Anywhere" and "Up to You", and the food will be "What's nice here?" and "You choose-lah". Sure big business, no?

I don't know what's so great about this ais kacang.. but i crave for it almost everyday since Boren made me eat one..

Kopitiams seem to be the 'thing' in Batu Pahat. That, bakeries and boutiques.

Me: Boren, if Starbucks opened here, would it do well?
Boren: No way!

Maybe Batu Pahat people are very loyal to their Rengit Coffee & OldTown Kopitiam.

Waiting to try out Kluang Station's famous coffee after our morning session in Kluang Hospital

There's this thing about BP people and hiking. The first place I went hiking was just 15 minutes of climbing up stairs which lead to a hut where you can have a scenic view of Batu Pahat.

Then there's the other one that almost killed me. 2.7km of uphill walking! My legs and heart have never worked so hard, that all the blood in my body was going to those parts, leaving my brain to run out of oxygen, giving me the worse nausea I have ever felt! But it was definitely a thrill to know that I didn't stop much. Thanks to deceivers like Boren & Daniel.

Me: We're stopping for awhile.
Boren: Don't stop!
Daniel: The view at the top is very nice! It's worth it!

When we reached the top, the only view I saw was the road going downward! What the?! Boren even tried to lie to me by saying there's a famous Thai restaurant with nice TomYam soup and coconut drink at the peak. Waliao.. I'm not that dumb-lah. But I do admit, I did feel on top of the world when I managed to hike all 2.7km..

Once in a while, we try to organize gathering to hang out together as a batch since it's our final semester together. Suddenly I feel so sad..

"When did Pizza Hut start serving birthday cakes?"

"BP is now ours to conquer!"

I miss Seremban

2007-10-26T22:29:00.001+08:00

I apologize for the lack of updates. If I was not busy, I was just plain lazy. How often does a final year medical student gets a chance to be lazy? Haha.

If you guys have noticed, I'd placed a site counter at the end of my blog, and since my last entry there were 138 visits(I think about 20 are mine). To those who repeatedly came hoping to see a new entry, I'm so sorry. I've taken out that counter already. It's just too much pressure to see how many people were coming to my blog each day.

Here are just some pictures I've had, taken during my last semester that I haven't put up on my blog.

This was taken in Poison Rose Port Dickson some time during our study break in the last semester. 2 girls visited KarSeng and CheeYoong's girlfriend came by also on the same day, so some of us went as spies to check out the female visitors.. Haha.. We were that bored in Seremban.

This was taken during Jenn's surprise birthday party. We were having our study group in campus that night, and quietly a large group came with the cake to surprise her. Azman's being a 'psych' patient candidate as usual..

Group picture! Can't you feel the love?

My last dinner together with my Christian Fellowship friends in Pizza Hut. Some of the greatest lessons in life I learnt during my CF meetings, and I learnt from these people, eventhough they are younger than me.

This was our celebration dinner at Chillis Midvalley. What better way to replace all the calories lost during stressful exam periods than a large helping of food!

I have more pictures to put up, and I'll do that slowly over this weekend. And thanks for being a statistic on my site counter and giving me pressure to update soon. And don't be a stranger-lah, I want to know who is reading my stuff, because I can only think of less than 20 people. Have those 20 people been coming to my blog 10 times since my last entry? Argh.. pressure.

What was the past 5 years for?

2007-10-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

I saw my mum cry yesterday.

A few days ago, she started having 'tinnitus' or what others describe as 'ringing in the ears'. We went to an ENT specialist in Gleneagles, and he told my mother that there's nothing he can give to stop the ringing, that she won't notice it anymore after some time. However, he did give one medication, saying there's no guarantee that it'll help but she can try it.

And that cost us RM180 (Note to self: I should work in Gleneagles).

I didn't really think much about my mum's problem after that visit. But last night, I came home from buying groceries and I saw a pastor, who's also a relative of ours, with his wife in my house. Shortly after that I saw my mum coming down the stairs to see him, her eyes looking like the world was about to collapse. I got the hint, went straight to my room, leaving my mum with the pastor and his wife. That's when I realized how serious things were.

So the pastor prayed for my mum and left. Later part of the night I jumped into my parents' bed and listened to my mum complain. She described the ringing to be so loud that it equals an aeroplane landing. It's driving her crazy. Her headaches are getting worse, she's not getting any sleep because she hears it more clearly when everything is quiet. She can't control her temper. The worst part is she's afraid that it'll get worse.

One stupid thing though, she went to see another pastor before this one, and that pastor told my mum that an evil spirit is holding on to her and causing all the problem. The more she tries to fight it, the more it'll hold on.

What?! How's that suppose to help? Now my mum is scared about evil spirits, no thanks to him.

The worst thing about knowing medicine, is when you find yourself in a situation where you don't know what to do. There my mum was, the strongest woman I know, crying. Within minutes, I started tearing. And all I could do the rest of the night was watch her cry herself to sleep. 'Shit-tiest' night of my life..

She seemed much better today. But I'm still feeling helpless. Does anyone know how to help my mum?

Selamat Hari Raya

2007-10-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

How's holiday so far?

In short: My dad's about to cough blood soon if I keep asking for more money to go shopping.. heehee..

I've covered 1Utama, Ikano-The Curve-Cineleisure and Midvalley in 3 days. That leaves me with Sunway Pyramid, KLCC and Sungai Wang left! Unfortunately, I'm running out of money. Dang! There's still 6 days left, what to do? Study? Portfolio?? *sigh*

Raya-ing in "Hot-Stuff" Hady's house.. too bad the picture was spoilt by the sun behind us

Good things should be shared

2007-09-23T19:16:00.000+08:00

I'm a bit too tired to blog. But here's something that made me laugh so much!

Ain't a fan of Justin, but after seeing how good he dances in this video, I'd marry him for his silliness :)

This. is. too. FAR-NEE..

Thanks ChoonSeng for showing the videos and giving me a tour of the eating places in Batu Pahat :)

Godtube.com

2007-09-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

Love, love, love this video I found on Jimbo Cyber Doc's blog. I was in tears when 'Jesus' took the beatings for the girl. I am able to find peace when I believe that my personal saviour would take my burdens for me out of love.

Click here: Everything

And God knows I love anything from 'LifeHouse'

Only thing that managed to perk me up after 2 weeks of 'moodiness' in Batu Pahat. I'm beginning to realise that when I'm homesick, I become moody. And complain alot.

The Lord set this path for me. I will faithfully follow his orders with a joyful heart. I have that much trust and love in Him.

Must always be the river. With a direction and 'functional'.
Not the flood. All over the place and destructive.

On call

2007-09-15T22:52:00.000+08:00

I thought it would simple.

7.00pm "Sasha, you take that patient."

Send the pregnant patient to her bed, introduce myself, tell her to change into 'delivery gown', set up the cardiotocogram machine, set drip, take blood, get the delivery set, then start timing contractions.

9.00pm "Missy, nak kencing-lah."

Patient said she wanted to pass urine. Easy. Get the 'bowl'. Hold it for her. 1 minute. 2 minutes. 5 minutes.

Me: Cannot pass urine?
Patient: *sigh* Cannot-lah.

10.00pm "Missy, I feel like vomiting."

From that moment, everything went hay-wire. I moved as fast as I could to put on my gloves and get a bowl for her to vomit in, but before I could get the bowl to her mouth, she vomited.. on me! Thank God for plastic aprons. And rubber slippers. At least this time I wasn't wearing my RM40 leather shoes like the ones that got amniotic fluid all over it in the last labour room I was in.

But dear God, the smell of vomit was... I really have no words for it. I had to hold my breath for so long to keep myself from vomiting with her.

After that, I had to clean all the vomit, the drip ran out, the cardiotocogram kept giving me problems, the staff nurse kept asking me to run errands, I kept forgeting to come back and time the contractions, I had to insert a bladder catheter for her to pass urine etc..

12.50am Patient is ready to push the baby out. Call husband into labour room. Together with the staff nurses, we had to keep telling her how to push properly. Which for any first time mothers is always wrong. Staff nurse tried to teach me and yell at the mother at the same time. Talk about 'chaos'.

12.01am Baby's head is coming out. Episiotomy. Hold the 'perineum'. Yell at mother, "PUSH!!"
12.02am Baby out. Suction. Put baby on mother's chest. Pull the placenta out. Suture the episiotomy. Send the delivery set and episiotomy set to the 'dirty' utility room and wash everything. First time washing things with so much blood on it. Blergh. Pack the placenta. Send equipment back for staff nurse to check.

Examine mother. Take out drip. Give her Milo to drink. Tell her to rest. Half an hour later, take the baby to her. Help her change out of the delivery gown. Send her back to the ward by wheel chair. Help her into her bed. Say "Thank you." Go back to the labour room for the next delivery. Until your on-call ends at 5am.

Go home. Shower until you can't smell any more amniotic fluid and blood and vomit on yourself. Finish up portfolio write-up. Be back at ward by 7am.

'Collapse' in the ward pantry at 8am, hoping the doctor won't come and spot-check on you. *collapse as in take a nap"

Wake up at 8.45am. Continue ward work. Go for class at 10am. Have lunch at 11.45 pm. 'Collapsed' again in the student lounge at 12pm.

Not so simple after all. But it's worth it when you see this:

Eventhough I didn't really conduct the delivery (just observed the staff nurse), it was worth it.

Not bad-le? Just a note: If you're a patient in a hospital, and the doctors and nurses in your ward are on-call, do tell them how thankful you are that they are staying up all day and night to look after you. God knows how they are able to survive for more than 30 hours with very little sleep.

Batu Pahat, here I come

2007-08-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

My first meal in Batu Pahat today.

Chicken rice.

Me: "Char-siew-kai-fan"
Chicken rice man: Huh?? *thought for one minute* Oh! *translated in Hokkien*..
Me: Haha.. sorry! Sini cakap Hokkien, ya?

How embarassing. Trying out my Cantonese in a Hokkien-speaking territory.

But in the end I made a new friend, the chicken rice seller.. he kept trying to teach me more Hokkien after that!

The chilli they give you with the chicken rice was green in colour, and if you mixed it, you'll notice that there's kicap underneath it so everything turns black later. And the soup they serve is bak-kut-teh soup! Yummy!!

The secretary

2007-08-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

I'm having a blog-diarrhoea.. bear with me.. :p

It started with a Mr KarSeng, when I was paired up with him in the same ward in Surgery:

Phone messages:
Wei, your beds are ..., ..., ..., ... etc.
Tmrw got CP (case presentation) with Dato. Cover your beds.

Phone call: "Wei, sleeping is it? Dato is having CP with us in half-an-hours' time! Come quick!"

Then he started calling me about where classes were and what time they'll be..

Hady: KarSeng, Sasha's your personal assistant is it?

The nickname 'secretary' only came when we were doing our Internal Medicine posting. He was examining a patient with Dengue, and I was there to accompany him. The patient had marks all over his chest, which we both found out were 'panau'. Later as we both washed our hands, I asked KarSeng how long ago did the patient have 'panau'.

"Go ask him."

So me being the obedient fool, asked the patient and came back with the answer.

"When he was 14 years old. Oi, since when I became your secretary? Doing your work for you??"

So that's how he finally started calling me his 'secretary'. The whole posting group found out about it.. what's worse is that the whole batch found out about it! *sigh*

When we're having a study group, someone would yell, "Secretary! Write this down."

When I make a phone call, " Yes, secretary?"

When I wear a mini-skirt, "Waa.. secretary trying to make her boss happy, is it?"

Then O&G came,

JennYi: KarSeng! I'm taking your secretary!
KarSeng: OK!

Basically, I ended up being an alarm clock for her in that posting. Wake-up call, anyone?

"Sasha, what post did you hold in Student Council?"
"Secretary"

Argh. Meant to be.

But before you say anything, let me tell you, I am GOOD at my job as secretary. But God knows I'll kill anyone who tries to make me into their secretary next semester.

Me: Wei, I resign from being secretary already-lah.
KarSeng: If not secretary anymore, then what? Girlfriend?!

*pengsan*

I really like this picture SiewLian took of us having a discussion.. I look like some smart-ass, wei.. cool!

It's finally over

2007-08-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

I passed my exams!! Yahoo!

This semester was the worst semester ever.

Coffee tastes good when you study. But who knew they can give you a hang-over the next morning?

To put it simply, being a final year medical student is hard work. To make things worse, this semester made me realise how much bad luck I can get. If I had a nice examiner who gave As to students in exams, I had to have the bad luck of having a difficult case to clerk or being totally unprepared for the exam due to a change in schedule.

Actually, when I think about it, it's really all my fault. I just didn't work hard enough.

Trying to study multiple postings at the same will drive you crazy

So when finals started creeping up and I had to learn everything from surgery to internal medicine to family medicine to psychiatry to orthopaedics to paediatrics to obstetric & gynaecology to ENT to ophthalmology to dermatology to emergency medicine to radiology to anaesthesiology in 2 weeks, I thought, "Die."

I thought long and hard about what to put in this entry after having a long 'blogging-constipation'. I could tell you how I studied. Naa.. Bo-Ring. How the exam went? What's so different with this exam and every other exams?

I think the real challenge this time was the test within myself. After bad luck after bad luck, it's only natural that I'd be scared of the finals. My head kept saying, "You'll fail. You weren't good enough before this. You're not good enough now." Batchmates were having nightmares of failing the exam. A batchmate had this funny dream of a professor failing her and he was wearing a green shirt in her dream. On the day of the exam, she got him as an examiner and he was wearing a green shirt! Talk about God having fun messing with our heads at stressful times.

JennYi, Azman and CheeYoong: Would you trust them with a scalpel?

At one moment during my many panic attacks, I wanted to yell really loud, "OH *%#$ !!"

Heehee.. I ended up just yelling, "GOD, DO SOMETHING!!"
God decided to make my radio play Avril Lavigne's "Hey-hey-you-you.." song, which by the way, made me laugh. Like I said before, He has a weird sense of humour, but I guess He knows what works and what doesn't.

I'd rotate this picture.. but it's refreshing to see Z and Jenn from this angle.. heehee

Anyway, in the end, I had my bad luck turn into good luck in the finals. I could answer most of the questions and on the last night, I was happy enough with my performance that I was willing to spend all night clubbing in Trilogy.

SiewLian to Azman: Faster share the Maggi-lah! My brain needs energy!

But that still didn't stop my heart from going into palpitations as we waited for our results the next day. God, it's wonderful when you learn that all the hard work was worth it in the end.

Hady being the O&G specialist, me being the stressed-out maniac.. don't ask me why there's a huge jug in front of me.

I couldn't have done it without my posting-group mates, study partners (Azman, CheeYoong, JennYi, Z, sometimes KarSeng, sometimes Hady), other batchmates, my father and lastly, God. Thanks guys! Thank you JennYi and SiewLian for letting me come by your condo so often to study and use your laptops and internet! And thanks for cooking dinner for me too.. *hugz*

"Often we define success by the accolades we receive, but success is really a state of mind, one that acknowledges your abilities before anyone does. Knowing that you can accomplish a task and doing it is already success, However, when you get that pat on the back, the satisfaction makes success all the more complete, and sweeter."

Happy birthday to me

2007-07-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

My birthday. What started as a depressing Sunday because my best friends were not back to celebrate with me, and I didn't like the idea of celebrating my birthday in Seremban, turned out to be a whole week of great fun!

On Monday night, I thought I was going to celebrate Sunila's birthday in Stranton Restaurant. When the lights went off, I was thinking, "Heehee, time for Sunila's cake to come." Next thing I knew, I heard my name with Sunila's name in the birthday song!

OMG, you guys really got me, wei.. If you wanted to surprise me, believe me, I was stunned.

Thank you to Lydia, Shangkeree, Felix, SiewLian, Joy, JennYi, Azman, Jimmy, AiLee, MingHuan, Sunila, SoonHan, Sashi, William, MeiSan, KarSeng, WanYi, ShuYuan and WaiCheng!

Then I went crazy on Tuesday night and decided I wanted to go to Zouk on Wednesday night. I was so happy that there were friends who were willing to drive down from KL to Seremban and go with me for Mambo Jumbo nite! That night was too good. I danced with my friends, and I also danced with a few guys. The music was great, the crowd was great, all was wonderful!

This famous Malaysian actor grabbed my arm while I was dancing and pulled me to face him.

Him: Hi!
Me: I know you, you went out with my cousin, (cousin's name).
Him: Oh? Oh shit.

I have never seen a man's face turn from 'horny-sleazyness' to 'ouch' so fast.

But we still danced. And he still grabbed my arm again and again whenever I went back to my friends. By the 4th time, I just looked at him and shook my head. "Oi! I know you're famous, but learn to ask a girl properly to dance, you drunk idiot." I said that in my head, ok? Not to his face.

But good things do happen, I met a friend of his, that was oh-so-great. He could dance, he was great to talk with, he was funny, sober, not bad looking and when I told him I wanted to go back to my friends, he kissed my hand and let me go.. Then when the night ended, he came back, told me, "Stay the way you are, ok? When you're a doctor, always remember to stay young in your heart. It was great meeting you, beautiful girl."

Then I didn't get one, but two kisses.

On the cheeks-lah. But let me tell you, my ears have never felt so hot before. *blush*

When I went back to Seremban, I was so happy.. I don't think I need to go clubbing anytime soon. That night was too good to be true.

Thank you AiLee, JennYi, MeiSan, William and KarSeng. For you guys to agree to come with me with the knowledge that you'll be dead tired the next day in class means alot to me. It wouldn't have been a fun night if you guys didn't come. Linda, I wish you were there.. you should have seen your conservative-all-proper-well-mannered best friend, I wasn't just hot, I was on fire! Got myself another modelling offer :p

I love my housemates.. :)

On Thursday night, my dear housemates and Felix took me out for CoffeeMug cheesecake. Thank you again!!

Azman & CheeYoong, thanks for being excited about taking me to PD to turn 24 on the beach. So sorry I cancelled it in the end. We'll go another day, ok? I was feeling bad about bullying people into making me happy this week.. hopefully when we go, there'll be more people :)

Coffee-mug cheesecake.. Yummy!! Best birthday cake ever, eventhough I only had one slice..

It felt like the whole week was my birthday. By time Friday came, I got used to hearing my friends around me wishing me, "Happy Birthday." But it was still nice to see your friends go out of their way to make you happy. When it was time to have lunch, me being the thick-faced person I am at the oddest times, ordered a cheese paratha and requested for it to be extra-special because it's my birthday. Haha.. the owner and his wife became so excited and ended up making the paratha really fast and I got 2 helpings of mango shake, for free! Yummy!!

It was a good week. I'm so happy. Turning 24 didn't turn out to be a bad thing after all. Not when you have friends like mine. From the deepest part of my heart, I am here for all of you, ask for anything, even my life(seriously), I'd readily hand it to you.. that's how grateful I am. I love all of you.

I was thinking of one thing after my night in Zouk, on the way back. It still feels exciting to meet new guys and once in awhile flirting with some of them. But I think it's time to just look out for 'the one'. No more excuses like, "I like being around you, but I still want to meet other guys." or "I don't know if I'm ready, I wouldn't want to take advantage of you." After thinking of all the excuses I've used to run away, I want now to take more risks, and find out what others have that I've been missing out on the past 7 years. I don't know what I'll do different now, but I know I'm willing to give up some of my independence to learn more about tolerance and self-sacrifice, and hopefully love.. sigh, how did this post get so serious?

My love to my dear friends all over the world who called, messaged, sent a comment on Friendster, wrote on my Facebook wall, wished me on my tagboard.. I miss you guys alot. Thank you for being such wonderful friends. *hugs*

Having exams every month is suicide

2007-06-28T20:36:00.000+08:00

Now why would some individuals sleep when everyone is busy worrying about exams? Differential diagnoses?

1. They are just too &$%#@ smart to care. To them, we are idiots for worrying too much.
2. They burnt the midnight oil last night and developed bilateral ptosis(drooping eyes) the next day.
3. They had a heavy lunch, thus oxygen is diverted to their stomach instead of their brains.
4. "Exams? Got exam-meh?" denial-syndrome. Either that or they really don't know.
5. They don't have exams to worry about!!

You can tell how stressed out I am. I should be studying for my written paper tomorrow, but I'm here blogging 'rubbish'. I feel like screaming right now. It's crazy to study everything from the heart to lungs to stomach to liver to kidneys to brain to muscles to nerves to the-stupid-big-toe-with-gout in 4 weeks!

How did my practical exam go? My advice: If at least 3 people warned you to study about stroke for your exam, you STUDY IT ASAP. Because you are digging a huge grave dealing with a stroke patient when you've only studied 2 pages of neurology, and that 2 pages only covered meningitis!

And always be prepared for a last minute notice that your exam will start in half-an-hour's time. Or be smart enough to ask your examiner a week before about when he will have your exam, when he had a history of having exam on a Sunday. I think I must have looked quite angry at the last minute notice, but I was angry at myself for not being prepared, when I really wanted to do well for my Internal Medicine posting.

Oh well, hopefully I can show my full potential in my written paper tomorrow.

I love this song

2007-06-21T19:43:00.000+08:00

Extraordinary by Liz Phair

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am EXTRAORDINARY, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?

So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the **** are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Faith. It goes a long way when you believe in it, faith in God, faith in yourself, faith in the ones you love. One day, I'll sing this song to the man I love. And I have faith he'll sing a similar song back to me. Till then, let me say this to you.. I believe in you.

Internal Medicine exam next week. Under stress, yet strangely excited to take up the challenge. We'll see how it goes..

Just wanted to say thanks :)

2007-06-19T12:53:00.000+08:00

Hi Sasha,

You write the best blog, better than Kenny Sia's ! A multi talented doctor and writer indeed. I like the way you pen your thoughts, in a matured and humorous way at the same time. You give me motivation to be a better person and remind me that God is really a great God, no one else can compare to Him. Thanks for making my day. :)

Ju Lee from Penang

Hi Ju Lee,

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm glad that my entries have at least touched your heart. Hope to hear more from you.

Wow.. I'm so motivated. Looks like this blog ain't dying anytime soon. Some people are SO nice!

Rest in peace.. thanks for the lesson

2007-06-17T17:56:00.000+08:00

Prof. S passed away last Tuesday night.

Oh dear, took me so long to finally find out. The last time I saw him, he was walking slowly (exactly like a snail) to the washroom in the ward. He made a wrong turn and almost entered the treatment room. Luckily the ward sister stopped him and showed him the right way.

I remember being in Semester 6, and everyone in my medical posting group was excited about seeing a patient with acromegaly for the first time. I remember sitting down for 2 hours talking to him. Not just about his disease. We talked about life, studies, his work as a professor in a university, the book he wrote, his wife, his children..

I remember seeing him in tears when he told me his wife left him and his children doesn't want to look after him.

This time in my Internal Medicine posting, it was a joy to see him again, but it crushed my heart to see him so much more weaker than he used to be. But at least he smiled when I greeted him again. I'm not sure whether he remembers me, but as always, he was a kind soul to a meddling medical student.

Thank you for the lessons. You'll be missed.

On a happier note, Happy Father's Day!

Me: Pa, what do you want to do on Father's Day?
Dad: Study medicine with you.
Me: What-the.. O_o

"SuperDad"

Most of my friends know how great my dad is, and how much he means to me. No need to elaborate-lah..

This is us celebrating half-an-hour before the day ended. Hehe.. talk about celebrating at the last moment. Love ya, daddy!

Rewards of Faithfulness and Love

2007-06-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

It's amazing that I've grown so much in the past one year.

I left it all in God's hands. The tears, disappointments and anger was worth it when I know now how strong I am with Him by my side. I've not only learnt how wonderful it is to know that God really exists in my life, that He knows what is best for me but also to see for myself how much more beautiful life is when you learn to forgive and forget. Especially when you've forgiven yourself for your past mistakes, and you are able to move on to a better life from now on.

To finally wake up in the morning, without a problem in life that would bother me, was glorious. I told God, "If a car hits me today and I don't survive, it's ok. Nothing can bring me down now. Not when I'm this happy."

I hope I will never forget this feeling. I hope my feelings will never change. I can't imagine a day living without this feeling. I pray I will forever be faithful.

I looked into my journal and came across this, something I wrote exactly 3 months before this great discovery. As if things were meant to end this way:
"God does not short-change. After all the hard work, God will give a reward I deserve. That's what they say. I hope it's true. Dear Lord, I pray for the strength to continue this walk with You. Thank you for what I've learnt today. Amen."

The happiness was too good to be true. But just to show you how much better my life can get, my aunt got me a new phone for my birthday! Which is still in a month's time. Yeah!!

I SO hope she got me this model.

Physician in the making

2007-06-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

The patients in the medical wards are talkative.

Me: Uncle, on this admission, did you have fever?
Patient 1: This admission? No... But last time ah, I got very high fever one. Waa.. that time you know what ah..etc etc etc..

Me: Uncle, how many medications are you taking for your hypertension?
Patient 2: Haiyo, I can't remember-lah. The doctor give me this.. then give that.. then one time I go see this traditional medicine man.. he give me this.. then this happened.. than I go here there everywhere.. waah, all this and that bla bla bla..
Me: Huh?! So how many pills are you taking everyday?

There was this patient who had Hodgkin's lymphoma who talked so much after I asked him a question, and I started daydreaming when he was talking, next thing I knew he suddenly went, "Haloo?".. Haha, had to cover up, quickly recovered and told him to continue his story, as if I never drifted off in the first place.

Medicine posting. One minute you happily talking with a patient who had heart failure, 2 days later he goes into respiratory distress, gets intubated and sent to ICU. In the ward I'm in, 2 patients died when I was there, 2 went into respiratory distress, 1 ended up in coma and 1 dumb alcoholic decided to pull his IV drip out by himself and ended up with blood dribbling onto his bed and floor. All in 5 days. 15 more days to go. What more will come?

Donuts for my big ****

2007-06-02T20:17:00.000+08:00

I love donuts.

I love it so much that when I was a small girl, I told my father that I'd marry a guy who proposes to me with donuts instead of a ring.

That dream stopped when I realised how valuable jewellery was :p

But I'm still happy when someone gives me donuts.

I found a new donut shop in The Curve. Big Apple Donuts.

They were having a promotion, if you bought a dozen donuts, you'd get 6 for free! Now who was I to resist temptation? Even Dunkin Donuts didn't give such a great deal!

There were so many choices, I just asked to have one of each type.

But to my disappointment, the free 6 donuts I got were just the normal sugar-glazed donuts. Haloo! Dunkin Donuts let us choose the free donuts we want! I demand freedom of choice!

Anyway, when I got home, I sat staring at the donuts, dying to eat all of them, trying to figure out which I would eat first and which I would eat last..

What I found stupid was that I had to cut each donuts into half (except the free ones) so that I could share the donuts with my brother. *sigh*

The verdict? YUMMY!! I think I'll be betraying Dunkin Donuts for awhile, because Big Apple donuts reminds me of the JCo donuts that I tried in Jakarta. And it's great that you can heat the donuts, so that you can have that 'oven-fresh' taste instead of cold donuts.

Next issue, I have a FAT ass. Need to watch my diet and exercise more. The month of June will be my "Get rid of lazy ass" month. Hopefully July will be "Hot ass in miniskirt" month, just in time for my birthday.

Oh man.. sometimes I surprise myself by how dumb I sound on my blog. And I'm supposed to be a future doctor. What did I do to myself?

About rabbits and unprotected sex..

2007-05-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

I love Paediatrics.
Name me another posting where a lecturer would walk in a discussion group, carrying loads of inflated long balloons and teach you how to make a rabbit, dog or parrot with it? Then, he'd ask you to bring your 'animals' to be given to the children in the ward. How cute!

I felt like a small kid again, giggling at how fun it was to play with balloons.

Paediatric exam was not bad. At least I was smiling alot yesterday compared to the depression I had after surgery. I had to clerk a patient with palpitations, and I couldn't figure out what caused it. I was praying, "God, I don't know what's wrong with her and what to do.. help!"

God decided to send the whole group of doctors who were having their ward round to my patient's bed, and I could hear their discussion. Haha. Basically, He decided to deliver the answers on the diagnosis and management to me. Turned out she had an idiopathic supraventricular tachycardia. I just had to rule out thyrotoxicosis and drug-related tachycardia. *thank God*

Today, I was asked to be a simulated patient in the Semester 8's Family Medicine exam. I have never been so embarassed in my entire life!

My history: "My name is Lily, and I'm a 19 year old college student. I had unprotected sex with my 'current' boyfriend on Tuesday night and I really don't want to get pregnant. I smoke, drink, slept with my 2 previous boyfriends and have considered taking drugs. If I'm pregnant now, I want an abortion"

All the students counselling me knew who I was, and I could see the shock in their faces when they saw me being the patient. I was torn between being the great senior trying to help them to being cold so that the examiner could see whether the students had good communication skill when dealing with a patient like me.

Prof: "Sasha, you can't be your usual bubbly sweet self. You need to act anxious and sad. Like the worst thing in the world now is to find out you're pregnant!"

How to not smile when I have to look at someone like KC in the face, someone I've clubbed and gone karaoke with, and act sad?! I had to bite my lips to not giggle! The worst part is that I am not at all like Lily! To listen to people ask me about my non-existent sex life.. that's something to laugh about.

Student: What day did you last have sex?
Me: Tuesday night. (if only that was true.. hehe)
Student: Oh, err.. how many days ago was that?
Me: (Wei, count-lah yourself.. today is Friday morning) 3 days?

Hehe.. what a day. In the end, I earned RM20 for my service. I was supposed to be paid RM40, but I split the money with Yuhana, who sent me to uni this morning. I learnt alot about counselling and contraceptions, and Prof Cheong taught me about examining a real thyrotoxic patient. So the money didn't matter in the end, the knowledge was enough. Fu-yoh.. quite the philosopher, ain't I?

"Happy Birthday ChaiLeng! Hope to see you when you're back in July."

Blogs can be odd at times

2007-05-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

Funny.

I can't figure out why you can't leave a comment on my last entry (other than on the tagboard). Maybe the entry is too long. Anyway, you can leave comments here if you want.

*sigh*

Paediatric exam on Thursday. Wish me luck!

A Day in My Life

2007-05-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

My messy bedroom. It's worse around exam time, because the books on the table will be on the floor. Man, I still need to clean up soon.. malas-nye..

Every medical student need books. I have my own mini-library. To make myself look smart, but my brain contains nothing :p

This bridge is the starting point of my day. Anything can happen here. Get caught coming late by a lecturer. Get caught in a heavy downpour. Get caught leaving the hospital too early by the same lecturer. Your experience at this bridge determines your day.

"Oh hospital, you're hot, stuffy, dirty, smell one kind and your lifts suck.. but in you, I know I've learnt and experienced so much. For that, I'll keep coming back. "

After a hard day's work, the library is our next stop. Welcome! It's not much, but it's a great place to sleep or pretend like you're studying.

You can tell who's in uni by the bags in the pigeon holes. "Oh, that's Sasha's bag! I thought she said she's cabut-ing to KL" (oops!)

While ShuYuan's busy with her social life, Sunila's dreading the thought of getting a book to study.

SiewLian denying that she should be studying instead of reading newpaper. Haha.

PeiLin: Stress, stress!! Must study! No time to sit down!

Hungry? Skipped breakfast? Skipped ward work? Come to 'Starbucks'! Food isn't that great, but the company rocks! This is basically our hangout place. The juniors seemed to have kicked the seniors out of the student lounge.

They were the ones who named the place 'Starbucks'.

Indian, Chinese, Malay.. masyarakat majmuk makan bersama!

I have no comment, poser.. heehee..

Afternoons are about group discussions. If you think early morning 'problem-based learning' classes were sedating, after lunch at 'Starbucks' and the hot weather here, your afternoon classes will definitely knock you out.

While waiting for class to start everyday, I have to listen to these two fight.. intellectual fighting-lah..

Fight or not, we're still one happy family!

After class, it's either sleep, study, ward work, volleyball or futsal! Usually, I'm sleeping or at CF. But this is my one time playing volleyball last week. I SO love this shot. I look so professional, when I actually suck at volleyball! Thanks for the photography, Azman!

Everyone was all smiles, but you can't imagine the pressure I was under when I realised that my team was one point away from winning. Z and KarSeng must have been praying hard that I wouldn't screw up. But we won anyway.. muahaha!

At night, if you're lucky, there's a party or gathering going on, and it's makan time!! After that, it's either study, on call, sleep, movie, clubbing or karaoke!

Life is good. Thanks to my final year batchmates for being great models. Thanks for being there for me the past one and a half years. You guys will definitely be great doctors, I'm sure of it!

I love you, mummy

2007-05-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

"The man may be the head of the house. But the woman is the neck that turns the head in the right direction"

I remember nights when I saw my mum crying when she was talking to my dad on the phone. She knew that for my dad to achieve his dreams of being a successful doctor and being able to take care of the family financially, she had to let him travel while she was left to take care of 2 (troublesome) kids all by herself. To add to her torture, she had to take care of 5 of her siblings at the same time. That's 7 children! But in the end, all is well, and she's enjoying every luxury in the world now as my father has finally come home to spend more quality time (and money..hehe) on her.

I remember when she told me that her parents wanted her to marry a man of the same race and religion, who had dreams of being a doctor and politician. But she chose the man she was in love with, whom only her pastor approved, a man of a different race and religion, who instead of taking her out for dates and pampering her with gifts, spent time typing postgraduate exam notes for his doctors. Oddly enough, she didn't mind helping him type notes night after night. He did make up the lost time and attention. But she was happy that she married a man who's dream was to make other people's dreams come true. Though he was of a different religion, she still married a man of God. That was all that mattered.

I remember times when she would walk through a room, and I'd be so proud of her. Everything was perfect when you looked at her. Her hair, her outfit, her shoes, her walk, her talk, her smile.. I've seen women spend thousands on their appearances and not even look half as good as her. How much does she spend? Believe me, she can afford Zara and Marks&Spencer. But she knows better. Someone asked me a week ago, "Do you buy clothes from NafNaf or CK?" I was so proud of myself when I could confidently say without embarassment, "With my own money, I don't spend more than RM30 a week on an outfit." And I know I still look good, not fashionable, but I'm happy with just good. My mum taught me that it's not the clothes, it's the attitude. I can look in the mirror today, pimples and messed-up hair, and still say, "Damn girl, you look good today."

*perasan*

She taught me the power of prayer. The first time I believed that prayers work was when she prayed for the birth of my brother and I. She prayed so hard for her firstborn to be a boy when for so many generations her family had a girl as the firstborn. Then when she got pregnant again, she prayed for a girl. Heehee.. I should be jealous that she wanted my brother first, but nope, I'm happy being the youngest and most pampered.

On a night when I couldn't stop the tears falling, she told me, "For every man that hurts you, only God has the right to punish them. You only forgive, forget, pick yourself up and show them how much more beautiful you can be." I'm so happy that today, I cannot think of a single guy who looks at me with hatred. Most of them still keep in touch with me, and most still have a special place in my heart.

This woman has a self-confidence that exceeds everything! You hear me saying. "Of course-lah, I'm so smart." What you don't know is that I learnt all that from a mother who actually believes that she's the best mother, wife and woman in the world. Sometimes she overdoes it, but I understand now that the overconfidence is what drives her to achieve the best things in life for herself and her family. So just bear with me when my head swells abit :p

I may not share the same opinions with her, and boy, do I fight alot with her. But I know she raised me to be a 'thinking' woman. Not one who doesn't know how to fight for what she wants in life. So despite the fights, she still tells others how proud she is with her children. I may not like the idea of turning into the exact kind of mother she is, but if being like her makes my children become the way I am today, I have nothing to worry about, do I?

"Mum, you rock my world. Happy Mother's Day."

Doctors have time to blog?

2007-05-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Top 15 Malaysian Doctor Blogs: (Malaysian Medical Resources)

http://medicine.com.my/wp/?p=2086

I personally read a few of them. I especially like Bernard Chan's and Jimbo Cyber Doc's.
Do check them out :)

p/s: Social life over the weekend has hit a red light. I'm determined to find out how high I can score at the end of Paeds posting if I concentrate on my studies fully over the weekends. I'll have my fun when the one-week break comes after exams.. But up till this point, I've only done one chapter and a few past year questions (not bad-le?).

Sold-out for my God

2007-05-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

My depression treatment cost:

Haircut and wash : RM70
A new vest: RM80 (paid by mummy)
Extra large fish & chips with Dunkin Donuts : RM30

Truthfully speaking, none of the above made me happy at the end of the day. I still went to sleep feeling miserable.

Until I went to church on Sunday, and for ECF's 1am 'Sold Out' album launch in KDU. Nothing heals a depressed person more than a moment spent with God.

I had such a cool video, but youtube.com can't seem to upload it.. so this is all I have..

TJ is like a rock star now.. Fuyoh! 3 weeks before the concert he was messaging me asking to come for the launch. So when HiangLiang and I were there, waiting for him to welcome us:

HL: Where's our tickets?
TJ: Huh? You're supposed to buy them!
HL: You didn't buy for us? Wei, we thought since you invited us, you'd get the tics!

How cool is it to take a year off from medicine, tour the world and have your own album? The best part is you're playing for the God you love.. *jealous*

Man.. Thank God there were still tickets. The concert was great! The new album was a more upbeat, punk-rock type. Good job to the band! It was cool to see Pastor Cathryn jump around. Everyone was all hyped-up.

Later when HiangLiang and I wanted to go 'makan', we called TJ to come with us:

Me: *after talking to TJ* He asked us to go first. He'll call us later.
HL: That fella busy signing autograph is it?!

Heehee.. I think someone is jealous.

I was feeling much happier that night. Halleluyah.. amen.

Types of medical students

2007-04-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

I am a final year medical student. One more year to go out into the real world and save lives. Or end up killing someone.

I am so stupid. Despite all the studying, I still feel as dumb as I was when I first started clinical school. And all this while I imagined being quite knowledgeable by time I hit the 5th year.

"Your knowledge is there but I don't think it's good enough to pass your Semester 9."

Oh man. Today prayer did not help me at all. But I figured God wanted reality to hit me. Hard.

I don't think I failed my surgery exam. But I sure don't think I'll be so lucky in my finals if I don't buck up. It's moments like these I sit down and wonder why I chose this profession. What in the world made me think I was good enough to be a doctor and heal sick people?

*slap myself*

I guess better know how bad I really am now while I have the time to improve myself than be overconfident and find out too late that I was not good enough.

I'm in paediatrics now. The bad thing, the amount of studying I need to do in 4 weeks has increased. The good thing, my daddy is around to help me!! My dad couldn't help me with surgery, but now that I'm in his field of expertise, hopefully he'll not only share his knowledge with me, but also sit down and work out my weaknesses and find the right studying method for me. What worked in Semester 7 is definitely not working now. Need to make certain adjustments..

I'll show the world I can be a great doctor. Muahahaha..

"Types of Medical Students" from Simple Thoughts

One tiring stressed out week

2007-04-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

Only one man has so much control over me.

Dato K.

Not this one-lah.

Every medical school has a scary, fierce lecturer. Well, so does mine. But luckily, he is as fierce as he is admirable. This man has an aura that can blow you away. When he walks past, you can't help but feel like a great person had just passed you by. And he is a great person, as a doctor, teacher etc.

The only problem I have with him is the amount of stress I get when I'm doing my surgery posting.

If I was in scrubs, everytime this man walks into the hospital, the whole hospital would be on red alert. The lights would turn red, fire alarms ringing, and people running to get their job done before he steps into the ward.

Datuk is coming! Go! Go! Go!!

That was what happened to me on a Friday morning when he decided to have a surprise case presentation. I had to clerk 5 patients in 1 hour!!

2 nights in a row I was clerking patients in my ward, 16 patients to be exact, to make sure that I was ready for my next case presentation. Talk about hard work, man.. to talk to 16 men in 2 days, getting their stories on why were they admitted, finding out their investigation results, writing down what treatment they've undergone.. all because of one man. I have never had so many swear words(forgive me, God) forming in my head so often before this.

When this man walks into the ward, your heart literary stops. You just start praying the day ends well.

When he asks you a question, looking at you.. you can feel yourself shrinking to a tiny person.

But before you get the idea that this 'dude'(haha!) is one mean person, like I said before, he's definitely a great person. Everything you learn from him, you can't find in the medical textbooks. You know his knowledge is all from experience. This is definitely one person you want to learn as much as possible from. So despite the stress, the torture and heart-stopping moments, it's all worth it as long as I learnt something for the benefit of my patients in the future.

But I sure was one lazy bum after his case presentation was over.

IMU Bukit Jalil SRC organized their first 'Inter-Cultural Nite' last night.. it was cool. If one thing IMU students are good at, it's performing. Singing, dancing, music intruments, fashion shows, you name it.. we got it. We even have our own Wushu and Silat team, ok?

I wished we had a inter-cultural event in Seremban, not just the annual 'Deeparaya Nite'. Heck, I'll even wear my stupid Kelabit costume and dance the stupid dance I've been avoiding since I moved out of Ipoh.

Oklah, I take that back. The Kelabit costume and dance is not stupid, it's beautiful. The problem is that I have a problem with it. Too many traumatic experiences from my many dances in my Ipoh school. Oh man, the headache I had.

I'm wondering if this is my cousin..hmm...

2007-04-05T12:37:00.000+08:00

Thanks to YingWei, I got a free facial last Saturday. Woohoo! You know you've hit jackpot when your friends pamper you :)

It was a weird facial though. The girl 'attending' to my face used this small gadget and moved it around my face as if she was shaving my face. It even made sounds like a electric razor!

"This one to take out your dead skin, ya?"

Oh.

Next was, "Now I put shooting cream, ok?"

Since I was half asleep, it took me a few second to realise that she meant 'soothing' cream. Haha, silly me.

I love facials. It's so relaxing until the part they start pinching your pimples-blackheads out. I can't stand it when they hold my nose to take out the blackhead. I'll be worried whether to breath through my nose or my mouth, cos it's just horrible to let someone whose face is so close to my mouth smell my breath!

My cousin, Renai, called me to come to her housewarming. Actually everyone who stayed in her house were in some way 'technically' my cousins. Kelabits being such a small group, it's no surprise that we're all related.

My cousin's so hot.. no? Look out for her on ntv7.

I'm still trying to find my connection with Hannah Tan.

Check out her arms, wei.. is it real??

Medical students should mix with non-medical people. It's so cool to not talk about medical stuff, unless you're trying to impress them with your knowledge. But I'm too stupid, so the last thing I want is to let them find out how stupid. But I do get impressed when they ask me what am I doing, and they go, "Wow.."

People.. it's not that great. Knowing that I have to put my finger in horrible places in a person's body is not my idea of something to "wow' about. But I've done it 3-4 times already.. hehe, boy was I impressed with myself.

L-R: Nazrul aka kakicucuklangit, me, June, Justin (Cleo bachelor nominee 07 - vote4him), Kim, and Nic (ex-Cleo bachelor nominee & in a way another cousin of mine)

Lastly, Surgery rocks! But I'm too tired to elaborate due to long-standing (literary!) case presentations. My salute goes to my intelligent group-mates who not only have the power to stand up for 3 and a half hours straight in the morning, but also for being able to concentrate on his every words and answer all his questions so that he doesn't think we're a bunch of dum-dums. Me? After one hour, I'm thinking of what I'm having for lunch, when I can find time to sleep, what plans I have for the weekend, the meaning of life, why I'm a medical student etc..

To Stacey with Love

2007-04-03T13:18:00.000+08:00

HaPpY 21st BiRthDaY!!

Many hugs from me.. miss ya!

I can't believe now only you're 'legal'!

Too bad we corrupted you a long time ago.. Muahaha...

Best friends 4eva,

Sha (feeling old at 24)

To run, or not to run?

2007-03-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

Azman says I'm hot. Smoking hot. Thanks!

I'm so popular. In one week, my name appeared in 3 blogs: Azman, Foo and ChoonSeng(he named an entry by my name!).. heehee.. should tag more people.

This week seems to be about 2 things: marathon and relationship stuff.

Azman and Foo have just gone for KL International Marathon, this Sunday they'll be going for Port Dickson's Half Marathon. Good luck!! Everyone seems to be into marathons lately (even Kenny Sia), or maybe I'm only noticing it now.

The guy's body looks hot though.

Sounds fun, but I think I'll settle for walkathons. As bimbo-ish as this may sound, at least its more applicable to my life: I'll have more energy when I go shopping! Haha.. you don't see people running when they're shopping, right? Unless it's the Ikea sale..

Soon Han was telling us about some Chinese article telling the 3 things to make a woman happy:
1. Listen to her
2. Compliment her
3. Feed her good food

Feed her good food? What happened to being honest to her? Impressing her parents? Impressing her girlfriends? Supporting her every dreams? Being there for her at troubled times?? How did food get so high in the list? I know if this was '3 things to make a guy happy', feeding him good food would be high on the list.. but for women?

By the way, when I say I'm an ambience person more than a food person, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate good food, or a guy who takes me to eat good food. Food is very subjective, a guy may say the food is great, only to find out later it's not my type of food.. am I going to judge him for not knowing me better? Nope. I'll just smile politely and hope he doesn't take me there again next time. Or I'll order something else if there is a next time.

I'm just the kind of person who'd take you to a place mostly for its ambience, not so much the food. Cos God knows I can't tell what guys like.. such confusing creatures :p

Even CF(Christian Fellowship) meetings seem to be about boy-girl relationships.

After my study group session, Azman, JennYi and I started talking about relationships and being married bla bla bla...

Overall, I am happy about 2 things: I'm a single, available, 'dating' (SAD! heehee..) young lady who doesn't need a man to feel complete. I can do and achieve so much by myself. And I have no deadline as to when I should be married. Forget about rushing to be married before my 30s. I'll leave everything in God's hands. I'll just happily make as many friends as I can and enjoy being young and independent. A few days ago, my dad told me that he doesn't care whether I get married or not. As long as I achieve what I want in life. Aww.. but my mum will give you a different answer.

Time to be in Surgery!! I aim to impress.. muahaha! Yeah right.. die die die

Feed me

2007-03-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

I've lost 2kg in 2 weeks. Depression must be taking its toll..

OKlah.. I was kidding. Ain't depressed no more. I'm all happy again. But I did lose weight. So many people were commenting on it this week. I went to my usual beauty saloon for an appointment today, and the staff were like, "Don't lose weight anymore! You're perfect already-lah.." (I still question their sincerity when they say I'm perfect.. should I tip more?)

So if you're a guy looking for a date with a girl who'll eat a buffet with you, hint hint.. Sasha's "Get back 2kg" campaign starts this week. If you're a girl, I'll eat with you too (I can't be too choosy, right? Heehee..).

I'm enjoying Anaesthesia. I saw some really cool stuff in the operation theather this week. Like epidurals, spinal anaesthesia, a caudal block in a 4 month old child (she was so adorable!).. The weirdest thing I saw was this guy who had sustained injuries when he was attacked by 2 men with a parang. He had 2 long laceration wounds on his head which needed suturing, and his thumb was cut in half! Not cut across, I mean longitudinally. Like if you looked at his hand, it looked like he had 6 fingers.

Blergh. Poor guy.

Only thing I'm put off about Anaesthesia is a certain lecturer who has endless grandfather stories. But I still respect and admire him. I like how he tells us about the big, bad medicolegal issues doctors get themselves into.. I'll be praying everyday I don't screw up badly one day like them.

I watched a small concert, "Mozart's The Magic Flute" in KLPac (Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre) with CheeYoong and a new friend, Jenny today. Overall, I'd say it's OK only. But I'm still jealous of the musicians. After 2 years of learning the flute, I still think I suck at it. Note to self: Practise more!!

There's nothing much left to tell. So I'll just end with the 6 weird things about me: (thanks alot, HengJeng.. :p ). In short,

1. I can't stand the sound of doors when they close with a "Bang!" So if anyone's noticed, whenever I open any door, I'll always close it. Even if it's a door that can swing close by itself. I'll still hold the door and close it slowly.

2. I cover my mouth when I talk during meals. It's a habit I got when I used to wear braces and food stuff were always stuck to the stupid braces. I'm so scared of having someone tell me that there's food stuck in between my teeth.

3. When I walk up stairs, I walk on my toes. I have no idea why. But those who noticed would ask me whether I took ballet when I was young. The answer is no, mind you..

4. I have the tendency to look at feets. Especially if a guy I'm going out with takes off his shoes and his feet is there for me to 'analyse'. It's not a fetish ok?! My mum taught me that if a guy has clean feet (including his toenails), he's a clean, neat person, since feet hygiene is so easily neglected. I'll kill any guy who tries to put his feet to my face from now on after he reads this.

5. *edited* I had second thoughts about what I put here earlier. But if you read it, no biggie.. Another weird thing I can think of is my punctuality. As long as I am in control, I am always ready and dressed up at least half an hour before I have to go somewhere. If I'm late, it's usually 5-10 minutes. KarSeng was picking me up to go clubbing in Trilogy, when I told him to wait 5 minutes(for me to get to his car from my condo), he was surprised that I didn't take longer. "I'd expected you'd take half an hour more for make-up." The days I'm late, it's usually caused by something that was out of my control. In my family, I'm the earliest to be ready everytime.

6. Lizards scare me to death. I've had 3 episodes where a lizard fell onto my head. Everywhere I live, lizards will always come to my bedroom instead of the other bedrooms. I remember nights where I dreamt of a lizard falling on me while I was sleeping, and I woke up instantly throwing my blanket and checking my hair only to end up crying! I hate being so scared. Whoever marries me and discovers me crying suddenly in the middle of the night will laugh their head off when I say that I dreamt of a lizard falling on me. But after he finish laughing, I'll kill him.

Done! I tag Azman, CheeYoong, SiewLian, ChoonSeng, Gene, and WeiShung! Sorry, ya? Your turn to tell 6 weird things about yourself and tag 6 other bloggers.

After all that, what do I get?

Don't make me go back..

2007-03-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

I've been in a bit of a depression lately. Sorry for the lack of updates.
Seremban sucks. Semester 9 sucks. I suck :p

The lead suit is so heavy! It's torture to even smile for this picture. It makes my white coat feel like a feather on my shoulder..

Aziah and Naiemah. My partners-in-crime in the Radiology Department. Go together-skip together!

I'm done with my two weeks in Radiology. While my Radiology attachment itself is not bad, I still think the last 2 weeks being back in Seremban is the worst time of my life ever since I've started clinicals. The stupid thing is, I can't explain why. Compared to the rest in my batch, I wake up the latest, go home the earliest, and the best part is there's no pressure to study or prepare for the next day. Normal people in my position would take this opportunity to go out and have fun. But you know what dumb people like me do? Drag my butt to the library at every moment and study. Study!! Man.. I have not seen any place other than my condo, IMU, hospital and the KTM station(plus one 5 minute trip to 7-Eleven) since I've been back. I've only eaten at the new canteen in IMU(which is not bad.. only thing their food is decreasing in quantity and increasing in price day by day). And my appetite has hit rock-bottom, not a good sign for someone who eats alot.

Mini 'Curry Leaf' restaurant.. but oddly enough, we call it 'Starbucks'.

I did go to Trilogy once. But not to club. Just went for some dinner gathering with batchmates to welcome two Japanese exchange students(girls by the way.. I wonder if they were guys would they have received similar treatment..). But just as the party was starting, I took the opportunity to go straight home to bed. My excuse was that I was coughing. Which was true.. got sick and an irritating dry cough as soon as my holiday ended. Last thing I want was to breath in cigarrette smoke to make things worse.

New occupant of the motorcycle parking space. Awww..

Another reason was that I have no mood to dance to hiphop-techno music in a dark room at the moment. The only dancing I want to do is be under the sun and spin around so much that the only sound I hear is my heart beat going faster. However, the thought of getting high on alcohol sounds more inviting than dancing now. With that in mind, it's better I avoid any place with alcohol going around freely for now *sigh*.

The only perks I get lately are the weekends I get to spend with my cousins in KL. Last weekend we watched '300', which was oh-so-good by the way. This weekend? I've been invited to go sunbathing tomorrow. Haha.. I won't tell where. All I know I'll be sleeping beside some hotel swimming pool wishing I never have to go back to Seremban the next day.

I don't think there's anything I want to say anymore. I'm just hoping things get better soon.

Yellow Monkey misses White Monkey so much *sniff sniff* Hope psych exam went well.. You have a freaking car!! Not fair.. conclusion: my life sucks.

My patch test

2007-02-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not blogging on my London and Paris trip yet. I'm still waiting for some photos which my aunt took with her camera. But in short, I had a great time!

Anyone wants this T-shirt? I got it for free from a souvenier shop in London. It's worth RM84! I'll give it to you free, because I don't want it. Only thing is, it's in 'small' size. So you'd have to be as big as me to fit in.

I had to do a patch test on Monday. Early in January, when I finished my ProActiv facial wash, I needed a new facial wash immediately. Because I couldn't go to Mines Shopping Complex to get the ProActiv, I ended up buying another facial wash just to use temporarily.

I've always thought that the one time everyone gets to see my naked back would be when I'm wearing a sexy backless dress. Not like this! *sigh*

One week later, the skin on my hands, face, neck and my lips became so dry that it started peeling! Then the skin on my back and shoulders started to get dry also. My skin has had allergic reactions to cosmetic products before, but not this bad! The worst thing was when I started having heat rashes. Everytime I sweat, my whole back would feel like thousands of needles poking into it at different times. I went to see a dermatologist in Seremban Hospital, and he diagnosed me with seborrheic dermatitis. That same week I saw another dermatologist in Selayang Hospital, and she diagnosed me with allegic dermatitis.

Man, it scares me when doctors don't make the same diagnosis. I wouldn't know who to trust.

Anyway, my skin problem is gone now. But the doctor in Selayang wanted me to come and do a patch test just to find out what I'm allergic to.

And I found the culprit to the whole problem! Stupid Oxy facial wash!!

Notice the big red square? Imagine how itchy it would be.

A patch test is not a good thing to do. First, you can't wash your back as long as you have the patches on. It's gross, man.. It's so hard to bath without getting my back wet. Second, it itches like crazy! And since I'm not allowed to scratch it or take any medications to stop the itching, I had to pinch myself just to stop thinking about the itchiness. Lastly, when the nurse pulls the patches out, you'll go OUCH!!! Back waxing is not a good experience. And it's so ticklish to have someone touch your back when they apply or remove the patches. Heehee..

One more week until the final year of my life as a medical student begins. Die.

I Love London (and Paris!)

2007-02-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

What Amber Chia?

I'm no cam-whore *in denial*.. Guess what's my waistline?

Meet the new Malaysian Guess ambassador. First mission: To travel to the Eye of London and tell the tourists there that KL has a better one. With an wide screen TV and DVD player some more!

Second mission: To go to Paris and seduce a hot French man, and find out whether French manicures and French fries (if not French kiss!) are any different from what Malaysians think they are.

Third and most important mission: To have the best time of my life! London and Paris, here I come!!

Heehee.. please bear with me, it's only fun to blog when I can act dumb once in a while. Will be back home in Malaysia on the 25th. Love u guys!

Congrats to my sem7 and sem9 friends on passing exams!

Keep your Eye on Malaysia

2007-02-11T16:41:00.000+08:00

Need a suggestion for Valentine's Day?

Notice the couple posing for a picture?

Go on the Eye on Malaysia in Taman Titiwangsa KL. It's so freaky, I can almost guarantee your date will hold your hand(when I say this, I'm referring to both boys and girls)! If you're lucky, you might even get a hug!

But be prepared to stand in a long line(about half an hour wait) and pay RM100 for a private cabin. Unless you want to pay RM15 each and sit with other people.. it'll be so funny if one guy got into a cabin full of girls and all of them screamed in the cabin as it goes higher and higher..

But don't try on me. I've gone on it already :p And I didn't scream. Only had a drop of sweat on my forehead on the first round.

I went for the Watersky Festival in Taman Titiwangsa last night. Definitely something to watch this month. It's on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 9pm. But only for this month. They had some jet-skiing and boat shows on the lake, and fireworks. I was lucky enough to be in the cabin(right at the top of the Eye) when the fireworks started. The best thing was the crowd. To be among your fellow countrymen celebrating the efforts taken to promote 'Visit Malaysia 2007'.. I'm glad I was in the right place at the right time, most of all glad to be alive.

From the top of the Eye.. scary wei..

Top: From inside the cabin. Bottom: From the ground.

The best place to be now is Malaysia. And the most happening city: Kuala Lumpur.

KL Twin Towers, Eye On Malaysia, KL Tower and Istana Budaya. What a sight!

Just another info: My relative who works in The Sarawak Cultural Village says that this year's Rainforest Music Festival in Kuching will be the best one yet, and a definite must watch. It's on the second weekend of July. If you can go, GO!! I've gone for one 2 years ago.. I had so much fun! My parents and some other close friends are going this year, but since it's too close to my gynae exams, I'll probably miss it.. sob sob

It's confirmed! I'll be arriving in London on the 17th. I'll be in Paris on 19th and back in London on the 20th. Watching a Man U-Fulham football match on the 24th in Fulham. And going back to Malaysia on the 25th. I don't think I'll be able to visit any other places, since I plan to explore every part of London! HengJeng, I hope you're reading this. Can I stay a night or hangout for a day with you guys (preferably on the 22nd or 23rd)? Woohoo!! It's so funny that Lydia and I went to Paris during the same holiday.. my other housemate is fuming with envy!

My selectives (Week 2)

2007-02-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

Interesting things:

1. I'm done with my 20 hours of classes in Mandarin! But don't start having expectations and talk in Mandarin to test me, 'cos I suck! I know so little since I've only done it for a month. However, now that I've done some basic, it's only a matter of time before I start classes again. I'm so happy! What a challenge, to go by myself and learn a new language. Muahaha.. Now it's the stupid elective report I have to write that's giving me headache.

2. There was an operation theater(OT) staff in the hospital who was checking all his 4D lottery tickets. Each time the numbers didn't match, he'd go, "Aiyo." Finally, when all done, he looked at me (since I was staring at him in curiosity) and went, "Looks like I can't retire yet. Have to stay here longer and eat hospital food *sigh*." I was giggling after he said that.

3. I discovered later that the OT staff was actually an anaesthesiologist. A good one too! He kept looking for me to tell me to observe the procedures he did. He'd even made one of the staff nurse hunt me down when I was in another OT to tell me to come and watch him do an epidural! Heehee.. such a nice man. Whenever I was observing an op, he'd make me sit down next to him and teach me all about fluid and electrolyte balances in the body, all the drugs used for anaesthesia bla bla bla.. That's it-lah, I can skip my anaes posting next month already... if only that was possible.

4. Do all anaesthesiologists sleep when an op is going on? I caught 3 of them doing it. Makes me want to consider anaesthesiology as a specialty..

5. Did you know that a thyroglossal cyst extraction takes longer than a Caesarian section with bilateral tubal ligation, dilatation & curretage and laparoscopic cystectomy done together?! Anyway, the time taken is around 3 and a half hours. My fingers were cyanosed after the third hour! Purple fingers!!

6. My dad is too famous. I've come to the conclusion that every doctor(from every department) in Malaysia knows who he is, and that I have very LARGE shoes to fill *sigh*.

7. I saw a fetus boucing from one end of a uterus to another during one of the ultrasound scans I'd observed. For one minute, the doctor, the parents and I were just staring at it bouncing. Cute, but oh-so-weird also.

8. I saw my first Crohn's disease! We hardly get to see any in Malaysia. Lucky for me, unlucky for the poor patient. I saw the doctor do an ultrasound scan, endocope and colonoscope on him.

9. I attended a breastfeeding counselling class. It was so funny! The nurse giving the class advised the women on how to prevent the breast shape/size from shrinking or being unequal in size. Mainly, don't take weird medications to increase/decrease the amount of breastmilk, and wear proper supportive bras which prevents you from having 'papayas' like our grandmothers who didn't have proper bras. Haha. I shouldn't laugh, but then..lol..

10. Things I saw in the OT: thyroglossal cyst extraction, hernioplasty, removal of a oesophageal tumour (omg, I could see the patient's heart!!), D&C for a case of endometrial cancer, Caesarian section with bilateral tubal ligation (is there a unilateral one? :p ), laparoscopic cystectomy for a woman with endometriosis, Wertheim's (radical) hysterectomy. I know no words to describe how lucky I felt.

11. There was this 21 year old girl who came to the clinic and she was diagnosed in the end with polycystic ovarian syndrome. Poor girl, she was told 3 years ago by a General Hospital doctor (when her menses became extremely irregular), that she has more testosterone than oestrogen hormones in her body. The stupid doctor even added that she was meant to be born a boy, not a girl! To add more, she was told that it's going to be hard to get pregnant in the future. Guess what my godfather told her:

Godfather: Do you have a gun?
Girl: *confused* Err.. no?
Godfather: I'll go with you to GH and shoot that doctor.

That girl was in tears for 10 to 15 minutes when she was finally told that the doctor was wrong and that she was meant to be a girl, not a boy! I'm so angry at that GH doctor. How can such a 'pathological' doctor be allowed to treat patients? Note to self: Study more on counselling this year.

What a great week. I'm done with my selectives. 3 more weeks of holiday to go!! One week to shop for London trip, another week to be in London, and one last one to recover from jet-lag!

Guys, hope exams were ok. All the best!

My selectives

2007-02-03T14:04:00.000+08:00

I've been doing an attachment with my godfather, an O&G consultant in Gleneagles Intan Medical Centre. First reason for doing my selective there? I thought I could take advantage of my godfather so that I'll be able to do the attachment and also enjoy my holiday doing lazier, unproductive activities (like shopping) at the same time. Secondly, I've enjoyed my obstetric posting so much in Seremban that I thought maybe I would enjoy being an O&G specialist in the future. So doing this attachment was an opportunity to find out whether I'd like the gynae part of it. Thirdly, it was an opportunity to see how it feels to work in a private hospital, and compare it with Seremban Hospital.

Conclusion?

1. My godfather must be one of the smartest man in the world. He made my first week such a good one, I've reconsidered being a lazy bum and actually took every opportunity to learn as much as I can from him. He introduced me to the important doctors and nurses in the hospital, which gave me the green light to go anywhere to observe anything. I've seen 2 hysterectomies, a cardiac catheterisation, tons of ultrasound scans, assisted in an episiotomy, hung out at the A&E department, operation theater and wards etc.. During one of the hysterectomies, he and another surgeon gave me an anatomy lesson. Everyone is more than happy to teach me. In the end, I've spent the whole week learning things no one in Seremban has the time to teach me, and saved all the money that I would have spent had I chosen to go shopping :p

2. I've reconsidered being an O&G specialist. It's a great specialty, but somehow I don't think I want to be doing surgeries in the future. I don't think I have the drive to do it. I think I'd be happy just being a physician. Sad, to think I was so fired up about O&G last time. Who knows? I might change my mind after my housemanship. So for now, that only leaves me with paediatrician and dermatologist.

3. Gleaneagles is so cool. Everything looks so organized, high-tech and clean. Each pregnant woman gives birth in her own room, with only one midwife yelling at her.. compared to government hospitals where you can have up to 10 nurses yelling at you to "PUSH!!" If I could change one thing, I'd change that. I think it's downright rude and inconsiderate. One nurse giving orders is good enough, 2 the most. The others should shut up. But it's so expensive to get treatment there. I don't think I want to work full-time in a place where my service is only used to help people who can afford such payments. I didn't sign up to be a doctor for the upper and middle class.

However, there are things I don't like:
1. All operation theater nurses are the same. Territorial is the best word to describe them. As soon as I step into the OT lounge, they'd stare at me as if I should be shot. I've made it a point to only go to the OT when the surgeon I'm following is already there. *sigh*

2. Food is so expensive. The cheapest food, which only the staff can buy, is lousy. I've resorted to buying sandwiches from a stall in the hospital itself. Something tells me I might lose another kg soon.

So far, so good.

To those doing Semester 7 and 9 exams, good luck! I'll be praying for you guys..

Amazing Race Asia

2007-02-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy. What a great show. Suspense until the end. I'm so jealous of the teams in the show! To be able take up such a challenge? Wow..

Congratulation to the winning team, Zabrina and Joe Jer for winning the US100,000 prize money! I'm so proud of them for being the first all-girl team to win an Amazing Race. I did get a bit worried when they took so long to assemble the bench. I remember telling my dad, "Great! They've proven girls take longer to assemble furnitures." But I love them for being such an inspiration. Girls will soon rule the world.

I think Andrew and Syeon make such a cute couple. The way he kept saying, "Baby.."
Awww..

To Allan Wu, you are all man.. In Mandy Moore's words,"How much for your love?"

p/s: I'm busy with selectives now.. will update in the end of the week.

Night market

2007-01-28T18:06:00.000+08:00

I took my cousin Rinai to the pasar malam in Sri Petaling on Tuesday. Everytime I go there it seems to be getting bigger and bigger. And suddenly I'm noticing more things there that I would buy! The last thing I'd ever do a year ago was buy clothes or shoes from a pasar malam. Surprisingly, my cousin and I were checking out all the clothes and shoes that night. They're so cute!! *bimbo moment*

Ahem.. anyway, we were at a DVD stall when the 'seller' asked, "Are you two sisters?"

Note: My cousin is half Caucasian half Kelabit. But she looks more Caucasian than Kelabit. I thought I look more Indian. How in the world the guy thought we were sisters?

Me: Do we look like sisters?
Man: Yeah! Look alike lorr..
Me and cousin: Haha! Yeah! We're sisters *giggles*

After selecting the DVDs that we wanted, he asked another question (gesture: points one finger at my cousin then one at me then bring two fingers together..) "Are the two of you married?"

Me: Huh?!!

I have no idea why he asked that. At first I thought he asked whether we were a lesbian couple. Then I figured that was a dumb thought. After answering 'no', we just walked away.. I'm still wondering why he asked that.

I showed my cousin all the food stuff that was nice in the pasar malam, from Fatman Steamboat's 'lok-lok', charkuayteow, assam laksa etc.. even showed her the 'smelly' toufu!! Haha.. she was like, "Why the heck people line up for something that smells so bad?"

I have no idea. I haven't tasted one, and I doubt I ever will.

Can't wait to go back next week.

Anyway, just some updates. Linda stayed with me for a week before leaving for Queensland. It hit me quite bad when she finally left. I remembered the guard asking her how long she's been in Malaysia, and when she answered "8 years," I thought it was so cool that I was best friends with her for 5 years. The tears just came, but I tried hard not to let YingWei's mum and cousin see me in tears. Thank God they didn't. "Stoopid-lah you Linda!! One week already, why no word from you??!!!" *sigh* Some best friend I have.. :p Hope you're having fun there! Miss you lots!!

So for now, it's just Rinai & I hanging out together. Another cousin, Sarah came to stay for a weekend. That was fun. It seems this week I've been getting in touch a few of my cousins. Met up with 3 more who are working in KL. Today I went for dimsum with Pamela and her friends. Then met up with a high school friend and ex-swimmate, MunYi in Midvalley.

I love holidays.

I've been learning some Mandarin this month. Another 5 more hours of classes to go. Then it's up to me whether I still want to continue. I don't think I'll have time to go for more classes. Maybe I'll learn on my own. *sigh* Something tells me I won't know nuts by the end of this year. At least I took up the challenge of learning a new language!

Another month to go before I begin my 5th and final year. Argh!

My brain is so full right now..

2007-01-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

OMG.

This you cannot miss. Also.

Absolute must watch.

Linda made me buy the DVD and when we watched it together, I thought, "Wow. This is really good!" It frustrated me so much that I could only know the ending in the next movie. And the guy, L was so cool!! Light looks feminine though, not my type. But the way the two of them think, I'm like, "Wow."

Luckily, the cineplex next to The Curve was showing Death Note 2. So Linda, my cousin Rinai and I went to watch it.

I don't know any words to describe how good the show was. My brain was overloaded with information, trying to understand what the heck was going on in the movie. When they showed the ending, my brain was so tired! But like I said before, it's good.

Did I mention L is cute too? Heehee, he's got that Ju-on look and it's adorable!

Resolutions.. again

2007-01-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

Since it seems to be a trend to make resolutions as the new year comes, I figured I'd do the same. Maybe I should try to be a bit more creative this year.

Top scores for Semester 9 exam. Waa.. let's be more specific. I should aim for a B+ at least. Muahaha. By right, if I plan to be a good doctor, I should be scoring higher than that. *sigh* Sounds too good to be true. The only thing I can do is 'try my best'. In the end it's not the scores that matter, as long as I come out happy with what I've achieved.

Swim. Everyone talks about being fitter or slimmer every year. I just want to swim. Swim my heart out until I get addicted to the endorphins in my blood. Aim: 1500m freestyle in less than 18 minutes. But I have no plans to compete again. It's just that I miss how good it feels to be able to swim lap after lap after lap without feeling like I'm dying.

Save money to travel overseas once a year. Last year I went to Jakarta. This year I'll be going to London. Hopefully next year, I'll be going to Australia. No matter what my pay is, I'll make this one trip.

Create a 'brand'. You hear people talking about how Paris Hilton is such a dumb blond. I'm guilty for sharing the same opinion. But the funny thing is, if today a guy calls her dumb; if tomorrow he wins a date with her, he's not going to pass it up. Who cares whether she's dumb? She obviously has something guys are crazy about, so he's not going to 'not' try and find out. Same story with David Beckham. But seeing the amount of success they both have, I'm starting to think maybe there's more to these two than what we really see. They have managed to 'market' themselves as a brand to watch out for. Oklah, I'm not going to do anything drastic. I'm just thinking that maybe I should try experimenting more and see how much potential I really have as an individual. So watch out, Sasha may be coming out of her coccoon..

Reach out to more people. Must talk to at least one patient a day. And when I say talk, I don't mean, "Hi, uncle.. what are you admitted for?" then continue with the rest of my history-taking. I'd like to sit down and talk about things that have no connection whatsoever with what doctors would ask a patient. Since I have the time, I'd like to talk more about their families, work, childhood, hobbies, dreams, regrets, everything! It must be sickening for them to keep answering our routine questions. I'd like to learn more beyond the disease and the person.

These are just a few specific ones. There are other more personals ones, but basically, I'm going to be putting most of my focus in the coming professional exam, and taking a break here and there to have fun as the year goes by. I'm excited about this year. Something tells me it's going to be better than last year.

As always, I'll leave it in God's hand.

Movie review

2007-01-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

"Quiet. Dum Dum wants to speak. "

This show is 'too' good, it deserves an entry of its own.

You CANNOT not watch 'Night at the Museum'!

I don't care whether you hate Ben Stiller shows (shame on you! hehe..), you hate comedies (double shame on you) or even if you hate movies altogether (what the heck?!). I'll pay for your ticket to make you watch this movie.

*pause*

Ok, I take that back. I won't pay. But you get the idea, right? It's really good!

From the moment you discover what the heck is wrong with the T-Rex to the happy ending.. it's all good..

Ben Stiller really outdid himself. I was laughing so much! The last time that happened was with "Robots". This was better. Notice how both movies had Robin Williams in it? But when you add in Owen Wilson also.. man, luckily I didn't go hysterical :p

I really hope you guys would watch it. "Anyone got a gum-gum?"

Holiday for 2 months

2007-01-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

It's good to be home.

The thought of being able to sleep when I want to, wake up when I want to, do whatever I want to and just enjoy myself.. wow, I've waited for this moment for so long.

Until it came.

The last night I spent in Seremban was one of the most difficult nights I've ever had. God, I really didn't want to leave Seremban. It sucked that I had spent my last week in Seremban studying for an exam. I couldn't hang out with the people I would miss most when I go off for my holidays. So the only choice I had was to stay back one extra night. Karaoke-ing and watching movie with my two closest guy friends, ChoonSeng and Ruwei.

It's weird to be the only girl karaoke-ing with 2 guys!! And the 2 fellows are so cheeky, we would all sing to a rock song together, then suddenly the 2 will keep quiet, leaving poor me singing alone and embarassing myself! The best part was when they both sang Lifehouse's "Hanging by a Moment". Little did they know that I've always 'fantasised' my husband singing that song to me for my wedding since I was in college. Heehee.. so when the 2 were singing that song, in my head I was thinking, "Maybe this is as good as it gets.. my 2 closest guy friends singing it instead of a husband."

Far-nee..

I wished I could hang out with more people before I left. I wish I had more time. Going to sleep that night was so difficult because I knew one fact, spending 2 months away from my university friends is not something I'm looking forward to anymore.

But I'm doing great. Went out with my best friends a few times. Did a bit of shopping. Making plans to go to London in February. Helping mum out with housework.

My neighbour is doing some renovation.. and the stoopid drilling and hammering at 9am is killing me!! Argh!! Let me sleep-lah.. even if I wanted to take an afternoon nap, the drilling will start arond 2pm all the way to 4pm.

When I spend my time at home more than hang out with friends, I'd end up being left to my thoughts. Too often. Never realised until now how dangerous my own thoughts could be. Past regrets, confusions, denials and mistakes.. all surfacing up now that I don't have any distractions. I was in tears for 2 nights straight. But it's a good time to get them sorted out. When I'm back in March, hopefully I would feel more in control of my life. Today I'm feeling much better.

Can't go online. I don't have my own computer, so I can't leave my MSN Messenger on for friends to message me. So I'm only reachable through my phone/email/blog.

To top all the bad things in this week, I have pompholyx on my hands!! You've heard the term 'itchy fingers'? Well, I have it. "Stress-induced," my father says :(

I don't miss Seremban. I miss my friends, but not Seremban. Heehee.. So much to do and at the same time trying to enjoy myself and relax as much as possible.. the holiday will get better, I know.. after I kill some drillers.

It's good to be home.

Recap 2006

2006-12-31T21:22:00.000+08:00

I've gone through so much this year. But praise God, it was so worth it.. (I've added some new photos to some of the posts, have a look if you're curious)

The year had a bad start, but things slowly got better. Thanks to my Psychiatry posting, I could find reasons to smile. Never would I imagine how psychiatric patients could do silly things to make my day a good one. Have a drink with me one day, I'll tell you great stories about the psychiatric ward. Crazier than the psych patients were the batchmates in my posting!! We were crazy and happening enough to have a BBQ in IMU after our exam..

Ru Wei brought me to join a LifeGroup with Jill, Kenneth, Chung, Emily and Gene. Then from there, I started going for Christian Fellowship. The LifeGroup never had anymore gatherings after that, but it doesn't matter. The friends I've made in CF, and the lessons about being a Christian that I've learnt, was good enough. It was the beginning of the best year of my life.

Read: Psyched about psychiatry

Started clubbing again. All Linda's fault. Haha.. I was kidding. It's just that I was finally able to enjoy a clubbing session, because of the great company. I did so many crazy things, just to go clubbing in KL. One more session, 3rd January 2007 "Retro Nite".. then it's the end of my clubbing life. Terms and conditions applied :p
Read: Aint life peach, One last night out (or not)

I've made some great friends this year. Who? The seniors! Malacca trip, Music Nite and all the dinners they've let me join in.. I really value our friendships. Thanks for letting me be a 'pseudo-senior'! Good luck with Sem9 finals!

Read: Happening

My greatest contribution to the Student Representative Council was helping with the Malaysian Medical Student Conference 2006. I've never been so tired in my life! After that conference, I was totally burnt out, waiting for the moment I could step down from SRC. However, never would I have learnt the art of "PR-ing" and "Having a thick-face" if it wasn't for SRC and this conference.

Read: Malaysian Medical Students Conference *New photos*

I had such a wonderful 23rd birthday. Thank God for blessing me with great friends who try hard to make me happy. Love you all!

Read: Thank You

Crappy Sem7 finals. But I managed to pass. Phew! But I'm still not happy, the exam made me realise how weak I am in certain areas of my studies.

Joined my church's Exist Conference. Took up the challenge to go all by myself for the 'Young Adults' stream when the rest of my friends joined the 'College' stream. I've never been so proud of myself! Other than the knowledge I've gained and all the spiritual building, the courage to go through something like that made me feel so much more stronger and confident of myself!

Read: I deserve a longer holiday

I went to Jakarta! Woohoo!! Can I go back for more shopping?

Read: It was so worth it

I won RM750 just by pure luck! This definitely tops everything that's happened this year. Who says clubbing doesn't pay off? Heehee..

Read: All for the music man..

Joined the delegates of the FIGO World Congress for dinner at my godfather's house.

Read: FIGO

Invited for an exclusive fashion show. Took a picture with a model and designer. Starting my double life: medical student and KL socialite.

Read: Another thick skinned entry

Organized IMU Seremban's Deeparaya Nite 2006. Definitely caused me the most headaches this year. But as always, the end result made it worth it.
Read: All is good over here

I dragged Sudev for a Modified Car Expo. Hillsong came to my church. And I was my dad's date at a Elvis impersonator showcase.
Read: Did I mention all is good here?

Won the bowling event for IMU's Sports Week!
Read: I should be so lucky

Went to the Global Indian Film Awards and shook hands with Shah Rukh Khan!!

Luckily, the year ended well. I'm so happy :D In the end, all I wanted to do was celebrate the end of a great year with my favourite people.

Well, excluding the lady in red behind us..

Happy New Year everyone! God bless you. *hugz*

Merry Christmas by the way..

2006-12-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

Check out how IMU looks like now. God knows where they play basketball now..

Socialite strikes back

2006-12-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

There are days I think being in Malaysia is just dumb.

I had the opportunity to attend the Global Indian Film Awards(GIFA) held in Bukit Jalil National Stadium last Saturday. Anyone who watches Hindi films would do anything to get the chance to see their favourite Hindi movie stars walk right in front of them. Anyone would do more than just anything to attend it for FREE.

Lucky me :p

I was forced to go. After sleeping at 3am the night before because of the bowling match, I needed sleep badly. But since my whole family was invited to go, and we had free tickets.. I guess you could say I was obliged to go. *sigh* The things a socialite has to do.

The thing that killed me that night was the fact the show only started at 10pm!! It was supposed to start at 7.30pm.. I have no idea whether it was typical of Malaysians to be late, or the movie stars were 'slow-coaches', but seriously, 2 and a half hours late??!!

I found out that the reason the show started late was because a superstar had to go meet some Malaysian big-shots. In 2 different places. Haiyo, why can't the big-shots just meet them at the award show?! Must make that poor person go to your houses then get him stuck in Malaysian traffic jam? Because of that, people who paid to watch the show had to wait 2 and a half hours, and people who lack sleep had to wait until 2am for shut-eye?!!

Another disappointment was when I got to see a dressing room of a 'star'. What-the.. It's horrible! Is that how we take care of our visitors? Imagine the tiles they use in the highway public toilets. Then imagine it in a room as big as your bedroom. Maybe there were reasons for using those rooms, but I still think it's like sending these famous people to our public toilet to dress up.

Lastly, when you thought the show had finally started, the local guest of honour who's supposed to give a speech decides to come an hour late. Thus, an hour after the show has started, we had to listen to a long speech. Who can concentrate on a speech at 11pm?! Just give a short speech and get on with the show-lah! *sigh*

Ok-lah.. enough complaining. I got to meet some Hindi movie stars! I shook hands with Shah Rukh Khan. I was in his dressing room!! No, I didn't see him changing. He just sat there discussing with his personal assistant. I just stood around with my family and talking.

Arjun Rampal, Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham and Sunil Shetty walked right in front of me when they came to see Shah Rukh in the dressing room. OMG. I had too much pride to walk up to them and act like a crazy, psycopathic female fan. But really, I was shocked at how good looking they were!! I've always thought Sunil was weird looking, but seriously, he looks hot face-to-face!

I want to go to India next month to look for a husband. *cross fingers*

Wow. From meeting designers and models, I'm now meeting movie stars. Heehee.. just lucky I guess.

I should be so lucky

2006-12-10T15:22:00.000+08:00

I was going to brag about my new 2g iPod nano, which I bought from PC fair for RM599.

I was going to brag about how cool I think it is (but I still can't stand iTunes, still need some getting used to it). But then I thought, it's not really a big deal anyway. I'm just a bit more fashionable than I was the day before (Instead of saying, "Please pass my mp3 player," I'm saying "Please pass my iPod."), but I'm paying the price big time! Screen protector for RM25??!! Cover for RM49 to RM69?!! There is no way anyone will convince me to bring my iPod to Seremban, knowing how easily I can scratch it. Can someone help me and suggest a place I can buy a cover for a cheaper price?

So I'm not going to brag to you about my iPod, eventhough I know now you're all green with envy :p

Little did I know, my week would get better. I'm going to brag about my bowling skills!!

Just a short introduction to what Sports Week is in Seremban Clinical School. For one week, there's 2 teams (Sem6 & 7 as one team, Sem 8,9 & 10 in the other) competing for the Prof. Raman Subramaniam Cup. He's a former Dean. There's 10 games this year (futsal, football, basketball, volleyball, carrom, pingpong, road relay, bowling, darts, badminton), some with boys' and girls' teams. I was on the bowling team. The 'seniors' were at a tie with the 'juniors' by the last day, so bowling was the determining factor on who wins the cup.

Talk about pressure!!

The bowling event goes like this. There a girls' event and boys' event. Each team had 6 players, 3 boys and 3 girls (1 each as reserve). The winner is determined by accummulating all the points collected by all 6 players, each playing 3 games (so all together each player had to throw the bowling ball at least 60 times!).

The seniors won the first game. Not bad, but the points difference wasn't much. Then the juniors started beating us in the the second game. Luckily for us, the senior girls managed to beat them by the 6th or 7th frame in that game. But not enough to save the guys who were still losing to the junior boys. That's when luck was really on my side. I got a strike in the 9th frame.

"Terrence, how much points do I get with that strike?"
"A strike is only useful when you get another strike. Then it makes a big difference."

Oh great. To help the guys, the girls needed to collect more points. To do that, I needed a spare and hopefully another strike in the final frame for that game.

I got 2 strikes in that frame. Thank God!! The cheers and screaming that came after each strike was indescribable! Thus we won the 2nd game. We did really well in the 3rd game also.. but by then it was obvious we'd 'tapau-ed' the juniors badly. The best part? The Cup belongs to us!

No. I am not the one who won the game and Cup for us. Everyone played a part, and played it well. The seniors' team had great players, that's all. But it did feel good for a moment to think that I'd saved the day.

The bad thing? It's one thing to get great results, but it becomes a problem later on when you used bad technics. My right arm and hand and left leg hurt so much the next day! Throwing a heavy bowling ball 60 times in a night using a bad technic does horrible things to your body. But believe me, I'm still on painkillers, but it's all worth it.

I am SO not playing bowling anytime soon :p

It's almost the new year!!

2006-12-01T21:37:00.000+08:00

One more month.. then it's the end of 2006. It's silly, I know.. but I want the year to end well, and I've got some final acts to do. Haha.. No, I'm not suicidal if you're starting to associate final acts with killing myself. I'm happy.. Can't wait to start a new year.

Study really hard for major postings' exam. Failed my minor posting's OSPE. I was so close to passing! But I'd expected it since I wasn't prepared well enough for that paper. Hopefully I don't repeat the mistake.

Start exercising regularly again. I feel like dying when I'm having case presentations in the ward. And staying up throughout the day is killing me. Need to build up more energy. And drink more water also. Swim, swim, swim!

Make a new blog layout. In the next semester, I plan to spend more time studying and being around patients. Must be serious! Since it's going to be my last year as a medical student and Semester 9 professional exam will be coming up, you'll be seeing less entries on my social life.. more on the things I see or learn in the hospital, clinic, etc. Trying to design a layout that looks less 'girlish', more medically-related. But not so serious also :p

I have no plans for Christmas yet. Still trying to figure out what to do.

Take pictures. So much has happened in this year, and I've made new friends that have changed my life. Some will be leaving soon, need to let them know how much they mean to me.

Go out with friends!!! Some friends will be back in Malaysia starting next week onwards. Yeah!

Finish up whatever job I have left as secretary of SRC. I'm going to step down in one to two weeks' time. Finally.. I'm burnt out.

There's more I would like to do, but it's more personal. Lets hope the year ends well :)

Did I mention all is good here? updated

2006-11-28T12:11:00.000+08:00

Just as an update. So much has happened in the past few weeks, but I've been too tired to blog. So I'll just compile everything in one entry. Bear with me ok?

Modified Car Expo in Bukit Jalil Stadium

I felt like I was right in the middle of a 'Fast&Furious' race. Engines roaring, lights flashing, loud music and not to forget, sexy chicks. I have never seen so many 'flashy' cars! And to think I've never even seen these cars on the road at all! But who cares.. it was worth the RM20 ticket. And yeah, I totally agree that cars are hotter than chicks.

Ying Wei, I thought of you when I saw this car.. Heehee :p

Hillsong United Live Concert in SIBKL

Hillsong came to my church! I helped out with ushering and first-aid. It was crazy! There were 2500 people!! But the concert was amazing. Too bad I was not allowed to take pictures during the concert. So I'll put up those I took before and after the show.

WeiShung, Isaac & I

Me with Evelyn, HiangLiang & Collin

My yellow fellows

Other than that, I've gone for an Elvis impersonator(Max Pellicano) charity showcase. The show was not bad, but I was more excited by the fact there was a table full of Elvis impersonators from Malaysia sitting next to my table! I regretted not bringing my camera that night :( Could have had a picture with 10 'Elvises'..

More to come: Sports Week, Drunk Before Dawn play by SIBKL, CF Christmas production etc.. I'll collapse by new year's eve.

All is good over here..

2006-11-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

My first attempt at organizing something on a big scale. With me being the organising chairperson.

No longer the follower.

No longer taking orders, but doing all the ordering around.

No more hiding in the backstage, but being right in the spotlight.

I may have complained alot, I may have unnecessarily burdened myself, I may have not delegated well enough, I may have pissed some people off, I may have sacrificed too much of my time, energy and money, and I may have neglected my studies and other more important things in my life.

But I don't care. Because nothing compares to the look I saw in the people who came for the function. Nothing compares to the compliments I've got. Nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to how proud my parents were with me that night. For one night, they knew that once I have the desire to do something, I will work till the end to do what it takes to do it. The best I can.

There were mistakes here and there. I could have done things better. I don't care. It's good enough for me. In the end, as long as I learn something to improve myself as a person or leader, that's all that matters.

Deeparaya Nite 2006.

Another thick-skinned entry

2006-11-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

KL Fashion Week 2006
Date: 11th November 2006
Venue: Berjaya Times Square
Dress code: Fashionable

I am slowly becoming a KL socialite. Oh dear.

I had the opportunity to attend an exclusive fashion show last weekend because the owners of Maya Silk (some of the girls made their ballgowns there before) gave my mum and I free tickets. Everything was done in high-style. The collections were designed by local designers Amanda Brown, Calvin Thoo, Maya Silk and Dominique Chan. In short, basically everything from the designs to the interior deco to the guests were bold & beautiful.

Calvin Thoo is going to design my wedding gown. Haha. That is if some guy convinces me to marry him. At this point in time, more and more people are saying that he's the best when it comes to fashion designing in Malaysia. Believe me, he's good.

The highlight of my day? When a really tall and 'quite' cute model smiled at me :)

This is me looking at him from afar. Too &%$#*@ scared to go talk to him. Didn't even realise there were some people dressed in prison-striped-sweaters walking around.

But 10 minutes later..
Me: Hi, are you by any chance one of the models?
Model: Yeah! *smilling*
Me: Oh, which collection?
Model: All of them. I came out a few times.
Me: Oh. *feeling dumb*
Model: How did you come here?
Me: I followed my mum. We managed to get some free tickets.
Model: That's great! Will you be coming for tonight's launch?
Me: I don't think so. Can I have a picture with you?

Yeah! Not as 'chicken' as I thought I was. Muahaha.

The dumb thing is, I didn't get his %$%#$%$^$%@@ name.

FIGO

2006-11-06T20:27:00.000+08:00

I had the opportunity to eat in Bangsar Seafood Village last Saturday. I saw a sharkfin's dish called "Monk Jump Over The Wall: RM128 per pax (Advance order)".

What in the world is that? Is it some direct translation from Chinese? And is it good??

As soon as I got home from Seremban last week, my dad asked me if I wanted to follow him to my godfather's house for dinner. The warning he gave me however was, "There'll be about 40 obstetricians attending the gathering."

Me? Scared of 40 obstetricians?? Please-lah. They'll love me! *ultimate perasan-ness*

"They are from all over the world attending a conference here."

Oh. Cool. Something to challenge myself with. Mingling with foreign doctors. So there I was, watching 40 young doctors from many 3rd World countries, especially South America and South Africa enjoying themselves in my godfather's house. They were specially selected by the organising commitee of the XVIII FIGO World Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetric to attend the conference, fully subsidised by the Malaysian government.

It was so weird in the beginning. I was so lost. All the delegates were between the age of 30 to 40. Some were already lecturers in their country's medical school. Who am I? Some 4th year medical student being a busy-body. But guess what? I took my food from the buffet table and sat myself in one of the tables! And I even joined the conversations.

There are days I can't believe how 'thick-skinned' I can be.

Basically, in that one night, I got to know a Romanian couple, a couple from Lithuania, and a few from Congo. We talked about how dangerous our respective countries can be, how medical schools and students are today, the PBL issue, and a bit about places to visit in Singapore. Things didn't go as bad as I thought it would be. One of the doctor from Congo asked me to do my attachment in Congo after I graduate. Wow. Did I really make 'that' good an impression? Maybe he was just being polite..

I SO want to be an O&G specialist. *sigh*

Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya by the way..

2006-10-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

I went to study in IMU library a week ago. As in IMU Bukit Jalil.

OMG.

Seeing that I had no plans on that Friday, I thought I should do some major studying for the coming posting exam before my one-week break starts. So there I was sitting at the usual table I would usually sit when I was in phase 1. I sat for 5 minutes trying to remember where everyone used to sit before Sem5 exam. Nostalgia.. but the dumb thing was that the whole library was empty that morning! Obviously.. since it was the last day before Deepavali and Hari Raya break. Boring. After 15 minutes of studying, I messaged Linda and YingWei, informing them that I was in IMU.

It was nice to study in the library again. It's still freezing in there. Unfortunately, you can't go to rooftop anymore for a drink, cause there's a whole new floor with lecture halls and labs upstairs. So when I decided on taking a break, I had to walk all the way to Food Avenue(now it's the Malay canteen).

IMU is no longer like how it used to be. For some reason there's more tables and chairs. And TVs.

When I went to the washroom, I was worried that they had done some changes to it. I went to the one behind the student lounge, and when I saw the Nursing Department office there, I was wondering whether they've relocated the washroom. Luckily(for my full bladder), it was still there! Oh dear, this post is starting to sound lame.

I saw May Kuan as I was leaving the washroom. 5 minutes after saying 'Hi!' and walking away from her, my handphone rang. May Kuan was asking for a short meeting with me and the SRC BJ secretary. Haiyo.. even when I'm away from Seremban, there's always some SRC stuff to do. Too much.

SRC should be about having fun. Right Azman? [pic: President Azman with ex-Sports Rep Z]

I'm too lazy to blog on something more interesting. Come back next week.

All for the music, man..

2006-10-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

Have you noticed how often I've been clubbing lately? I bet you can tell how life is in Seremban by how often I would runaway to KL for a night of clubbing.

But you're wrong! Seremban's a cool place. I'm having fun there. And truthfully, despite the complaints I have about studying in IMU, I'm stilll happy to be here. Lets just say I'm easy to please.

But I don't want to blabber about studies, I want to talk about my clubbing obsession! Muahaha.. If there's anyone to blame, I'd blame it on you-know-who. But I shall not mention any name. But you-know-who-lah.

Anyway, last Wednesday night, I came all the way to KL with ChoonSeng to check out Retro Nite at Zouk. Linda had some free invites and the 4 of us (plus Adrian) had one heck of a good time!! Everything was in polka-dots (except the people - only a few of them) and believe me, when they said they'd play the best songs of the century, they really played THE BEST SONGS OF THE CENTURY! Except I didn't quite agree with Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" being slipped in there somehow.. Haha.. It was a whole different crowd compared to Ghetto Heaven on Thursdays. More Japanase people. More crazier people. The dancing? It's not about how sexy you look when you dance a hiphop number. It's all about being silly! Seriously, if you can't dance for nuts, you'd be the coolest person here in Retro Nite. Overall, the atmosphere, crowd, music and experience was so worth the travelling from Seremban to KL and back. I would definitely be back one day. No doubt.

The next night, the Seremban gang decided to check out a new club,"Trilogy". Finally, someone decided to save our poor souls. You'd think that after Jusco was opened we would be fine. Trilogy was not bad. I liked it alot. I'm happy with any club as long as I can dance my head off (or should I say my heart out?). I was happy up till the point there was a blackout.

*pause*

How typical of Seremban. But 10 minutes later, the power came back on, and everyone was happy again. It was cool to hang out with a new clubbing gang and meet new clubbers. Especially when some of them are doctors in your hospital! I guess they are glad there's a place for them to de-stress too.

On Saturday night, I went to "Alexis" with Linda and Adrian. It's all about jazz. My first time in a jazz lounge. It was cool. The music was not bad. I was impressed with the drummer and bassist more than the saxophone player. I was more impressed by the pizza!! Nothing but 4 types of cheese? Sheer genius I tell you. Why bother putting any other topping?

To end my entry on my clubbing experience in this 2 weeks, I'll tell you the grand ending to it all. Last night, I went to Trilogy with the Seremban gang again, and despite refusing to have my name called for a lucky draw, I ended up being asked to go in front, play this game of finding the key to open a padlock of a box containing money. In 30 seconds. It was embarassing, man. The girl who went before me failed to open the box. And when it was my turn, I was shaking so much! No one noticed as usual. The whole gang was screaming cheers and telling me what to do. Gosh, I felt like killing someone. When the buzzer started, I was moving so fast! After the 3rd or 4th key I tried, there was a 'click'. Then the silence came. The stares of shock. Then my legs were shaking. Then finally, the scream of joy! All in 2 seconds.

And guess what I'd won? RM750 and 2 bottles of Bacardi.

At that moment, I was the hottest chick in Trilogy. Every man (and women) were checking me out. The DJ kept announcing my name again and again until I felt like killing him if he announced one more time. I was a hot chick who everyone knew her name. Even if I was not a hot chick, I was a chick with rm750 and 2 bottles of Bacardi. Talk about my 'saham' going up. YuTat told me a guy approached him wanting to know me. The doctors who were there were suddenly more interested to talk to me. One even offered free tutorial. Muahaha.. Die. Now everyone loves me, hoping I'd spend my rm750 on them or let them have my bottle.

Wow. Long post. But who cares? I'm happy. That's all that matters. How was your week?

It was so worth it

2006-09-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

After so long, I've finally gone to Jakarta with Linda. Despite the problems arising from everywhere before I could actually go on that trip(renewing passport, getting mum's permission, begging for money, trying to find the perfect time to skip classes), God was kind enough to give me the green light. I cannot describe the feeling knowing that I could finally travel overseas on my own for a holiday. My first independent trip to another country. But then again, can't call it independent since Linda's following and I'll be staying with her family over there. But to those who know how protective my parents are, you'd agree it's a good way to start my journey to total freedom!

The culprit. Her job: Make sure I don't get kidnapped or worse, lost. Especially in the airport :p

One of my goals in life was to be a 'jutawan' by the age of 30. Little did I know I became one at 23. One goal in life: ACHIEVED.

There are no words to describe the wonders of Jakarta. Even if there were, you'd be eating too much to even care about saying a word. I've had everything from duck 'bebek' beehoon, some 'apam balik' thingy (i forgot the name!), JCo donuts, nasi padang, super-hot grilled fish (forgot the name again!), dimsum, Japanese grilled food, durian ice-cream, and the list goes on and on and on... and to end the great menu, food poisoning on my last night there!! No worries Linda, if anything, my immune system has been upgraded. Mamak anyone?

And finally.. the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to a girl's life. SHOPPING.

Having dinner with Linda and her brother, after the first day of shopping:
Me: How much did I spend?
Linda: Lets calculate.
Me: 2 blouses, 2 DVD sets (5 seasons of Ally McBeal and 3rd season of One Three Hill), a pair of jeans, 1 shoe and 1 sandal, etc.
Linda: *calculating* (Did I mention that she was my human calculator? She adds, minuses and converts from Rupiah to Ringgit), RM169.
Me: What??! Take me back! I haven't finished my quota for shopping! That much only?
Linda's bro: Jakarta is nice right? *laughter*

Yeah, yeah.. I'm a spoilt brat. Believe me, the shopping didn't end there. 3 days non-stop in Jakarta and Bandung. Like I said, it was worth every penny. Now I'm just basking in the complements I get. "I like your blouse!", "Your shoes is so cute!", "Very nice! Are those from Jakarta too? Argh, I hate you"

Lastly, you'd find the weirdest things when you are on the road. This fellow came up and started dancing near the car. Linda's bro told me that if I gave the fellow RM5, he'd come home to Malaysia with me. "Gila."

Pain in the thumb

2006-09-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

This is a tale of 3 medical students.

First thing to clear up, it's not about Lydia, Shangkeree and I. Really!

The first medic, poor girl, by the name of S, had the misfortune of banging the car door on her thumb, really hard, accidentally. Ouch! This then lead to a swollen thumb, with blood collecting underneath her nail causing excruciating pain. So what was the solution to ending the torture? Go to the orthopaedic clinic and make a hole through the nail to let the blood drain out.

But can you guess what's worse than having a hole made through your nail? Let me tell you, having A FEW holes made through your nail. What's worse than that? Having the holes done by her genius fellow batchmates, who are her housemates too. The logic behind the holes? Simple! The more holes there are, the faster the blood would drain out, and the faster the pain would go away!

At the end, a beloved orthopaedic lecturer, Dr. N. came to check on the girls. And when he saw the 'holes'.. and asked for the reason behind it, confidently (I think), like answering an OSCE question, they mentioned their genius idea about relieving the pain faster.

Dr. N: If you want to introduce infection, you can poke all the holes you want. If you want to get rid of the pain, we can just amputate the thumb.

End of story.

Poor S. You should see her multiple-holed thumbnail. And her thumb still hurts like mad. The danger of trusting your batchmates/housemates to treat you.

*Note: I may have exaggerated some parts to make it more interesting. And for the last time, neither I nor Lydia nor Shangkeree was involved.

Stupid cheating husbands, even more stupid wives

2006-09-08T12:26:00.000+08:00

Has our generation come to one where we believe it's alright for husbands to cheat on their wives? Or boyfriends to cheat on their girlfriends? And has the women of today become women who are so dumb, that they think men should be allowed to cheat on them? Because 'men can't control their lust'?? Have we gone from an era where women were liberated and burning bras back to the submissive prisoners who're willing to close one eye to their husbands' infidelity, in return that they have a so-called good life?

What's the point of all the equal opportunities we keep fighting for? I refuse to be one of these women. I refuse to be that dumb. After everything my parents have taught me about being a good wife, I will not allow all my hard work and sacrifices be spent on a lousy husband. I'm going to work hard now so that even if I do end up with a cheating husband, as soon as I catch him, I'm gone! I don't need his money, house etc. Whichever girl wants him, you can have him. I know I won't have a problem finding a better man, whatever my age is. Don't believe me? Check out my mother. 52 years old and still a hot mama :p

I just got fired up after reading Kenny Sia's blog. Ladies, read it! Guys, you should read it too.. but you can also check out the part about 'male-pattern baldness'.

I'm going to Jakarta next week with Linda! Finally!

*New addition: Ok, while I believe in fighting for yourself when someone treats you badly, I also believe in second chances and forgiveness. We are allowed to make mistakes (but not repeated mistakes!). But it's the husbands who think that they are not doing anything wrong when they cheat thats unforgivable. You can tell the marriage will only go downhill. God help the women out there. *sigh*

I deserve a longer holiday

2006-09-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

For some reason, Nickelback's 'Savin' Me' song sounds like a Christian rock song.

Well, Semester 7 is over and done with. Semester 8, here I come. Truthfully, this is the first time I am not looking forward to a new semester. Something tells me that I'm going to be going through some hard stuff. I know this feeling. I've had it before. But in the end, if I trust my instincts and God, I'll pull through. I always have. As they say, hope for the best.

IMU gave us such a short break. But not a day went wasted on my part. As soon as the viva list was out, I rushed back to KL for a church conference. SIB's Exist 2006 Conference (E06). It was a 5-day affair filled with plenaries, devotion sessions, seminars, workshops, concerts and lastly, a community carnival. Everyone in my group of church friends joined the 'college stream'. Me being the type who's always curious about what the adults are talking about, joined the 'young adult stream' ALL BY MYSELF!

Wow, with no one else tagging along with me, it was a scary thought! To be alone among A LOT of young adults(I can't remember the total..300? 500?) and not know a single person??

But luck, or maybe God, as always was on my side. As soon as I arrived, feeling lost, an Indian guy asked me whether I needed help, and when I told him, he helped! And not just direct-you-where-to-go kind of help, he even introduced himself and became one of my new friends throughout the conference. Everytime we met after that, we'd crack a joke here and there and talk about the conference. Such a sweet guy! Must be my good looks that made him help me. Haha! Yo, it's my blog. I'll self-praise all I want.

The conference was great. Definitely an eye-opener. I made some new friends here and there. Learnt some new stuff that I'm sure would be useful to me. So in the end, I would definitely recommend attending a conference by yourself at least once in your life. If you don't learn anything from the conference itself, you'll definitely learn more about yourself. You'll see how strong you truly can be.

I have no idea how someone managed to get this picture. That someone is SO gonna die.

Other than that, my break was mostly filled with shopping, watching DVDs, hanging out with my family and my best friend, Linda. Even went clubbing at Zouk! I refused to spend the night before results were out thinking that I would fail in my finals, so I ended up spending it dancing! Got to meet ChiaMing(finally!), KarSeng and some of their friends. KC came with us too. I had a good time as always.

ChiaMing, it was great to see you again. Have fun in Manchester! Oh ya, Linda and I think Nicholas is cute, if only he was a real Japanese.. Heehee.. :p

On a break

2006-08-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

Forgive my language, but *%#$@*&#@#* IMU for failing my batchmates.

Zidane

2006-07-14T12:59:00.000+08:00

I'm not making fun of anything. It's sad how badly his last World Cup game had to end. I'm guilty of thinking he was stupid to hurt another player when he should have known better after all the experience he's had. But if the head-butting was for insulting his family, then maybe Materazzi was an idiot who deserved it. If I was Zidane's sister or mother, I'd support him. Who cares about the World Cup? Especially if players use racial and family insults as a game tactic. Defeats the purpose of bringing the world together in one game.

It's over. Move on, people. But I thought the video was funny, so hopefully you feel the same too!

Thank you II

2006-07-10T13:54:00.000+08:00

I had such a wonderful 23rd birthday. And I owe it all to my wonderful friends all over the world. Know that I really appreciate your friendship and because of you guys, I am growing into a better person every day.

Celebration at 1Utama with Stacey, Pam and Linda. I can't help worrying about the candle melting into the cake! Heehee.. to my dear best friends, I had such a great time, and may there be many more memories to come. Muaxx!!

To those who 'tried' to surprise me on the eve of my birthday, I love you guys so much! The surprise may have back-fired (why-la you guys so noisy.. heehee), but it was the suspense of knowing something was going to happen and knowing how much trouble you guys went through to make me happy was what made my day. Thank you Lydia, Shangkeree, SiewLian, Joy, Nisha, Felix, Ru Wei, ChoonSeng and Emily! Thank you for getting my CoffeeMug cheesecake also!! *hugz*

Thank you Azman for organising my dinner. Thank you for doing the inviting. Thanks to my housemates, SiewLian, JennYi, Boren, Jimmy, MingHuan, SiewLee, CheeYoong, SoonHan, Sashi, William, Hady, Fahmy and Firdaus for having pizza with me. Did I miss anybody??

Sorry Shirley, YingWei and ChaiLeng that I couldn't come back to KL that day and celebrate with you guys. But it's always a pleasure talking to you guys on the phone. Miss you guys so much! It was great to see and talk to you again last Sunday, Laurene!

To those who called, sent SMSes, Friendster testimonials and messages, e-mails, and even gave belated wishes, thank you. You know who you are. Much love from me :)

I don't need any presents this year. The happiness I'd felt that day was enough to last me till next year. Really! Love you all.. hugz&kisses.

Thank you

2006-07-10T13:32:00.000+08:00

Looking at the picture, I was reminded of a story you once told me.. about a young woman who moved from a sleepy town to the city, to find her bearings. Upon setting foot, she saw with pure admiration, the inhabitants there... the Cosmopolitan Girls. They were strong, independent, carefree women. Cliched words they were but each of them rang true. They exuded an aura of passion, of persuasion, of near invulnerability.

The young woman decided there and then to change... to hatch out of her cocoon and one day become a butterfly. But she did not know where to start, and it took her longer than expected. This frustrated her but in no way discouraged her. Until one fine day, without realising it, she looked into the mirror and eventually saw... that she had become the Cosmopolitan Girl herself.

Ethereal.
Captivating.
Mystifying.
A thing of sheer beauty.
The butterfly has emerged.

See the boy on the bike? He is the physical representation of every guy who did not care to give Cosmopolitan Girl a second look in the past, but today... with a sharp, stark. piercing realisation... grimly wished they did. He is dressed plainly, likely because he did not want to be noticed, likely because... he is ashamed.

The Cosmopolitan Girl looked back at the sands, at the footprints she left behind, aware of where she came from and who she is today... my, how she has grown.

I know it must have took you a lot of effort to write all this in my birthday card, and here I am showing off to the world how much I appreciate it. There is no way to describe how wonderful it felt to go to sleep reading your beautiful message. It was even more wonderful knowing that the message was about me. Thank you, not just for the words but for your friendship. May God bless you for the times we spent together. I have no idea where will our friendship lead us, but know that I am grateful that you've been so understanding so far. Thank you again for a wonderful ending for my birthday, and for being who you are.

How often does wonderful things like this happens in a girl's life?! I've truly been blessed, and to all those who thought less of me, take that! Haha.. OKlah, I'm kidding.. I'm too nice to care what others think.

One last night out.. or not

2006-05-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

Only a crazy person would rush back from Seremban to KL by train at 3.50pm to watch X-Men 3 in Midvalley at 5pm, then sleep for one hour, go clubbing at Zouk from 11pm to 3am, sleep at 4.30am, get up at 10am to take the train at 11.30am to reach IMU Seremban for a meeting at 1pm, THEN take the train back to KL at 3.30pm.

That crazy person would be me. Like they say, "Live crazy". What I would do to go clubbing. But I won't be going again until after Sem7 exams.

I'd keep hoping that the day would come that I would dislike clubbing, and refuse to go back again. But unfortunately, that day hasn't come. Everytime someone invites me to go clubbing, my mind would start thinking of how I can go without my parents finding out. When will I grow up? *sigh*

I did sit awhile and thought about the whole clubbing issue. I guess I really like clubbing because it's the one night I am a totally different person (I see what you meant that day, Ying Wei). I'm not your prim and proper Sasha anymore. I'm dancing the night away thinking I'm a sexy siren. I'm talking and dancing with guys, sometimes holding their hands. A few times I've talked to total strangers, both guys and girls. And I am aware that I'm not as uptight in a club as I am outside. I would totally ignore the fact that I am so-and-so's daughter and who cares about my reputation? Every girl in the club is doing the exact thing I'm doing! Forgetting that the world outside has so much expectations from them..

But I'm not stupid. I don't go clubbing not knowing the dangers. That's why I stay sober the whole night. Believe me, you'd notice alot of weird things happening at a club when you are sober. That night, when I was dancing on the podium, I noticed the number of men looking at me dancing, and you can tell that some of them had very 'obscene' things going on in their heads. That's when I'll be careful about how I dance on the podium, hoping they'd divert their attention to another girl. And I've yet to dance face-to-face with a total stranger. From my point of view, that's asking for trouble. My dad did sit with me and talked to me about clubbing. And I learnt that men don't go clubbing to dance. You can figure out the real reason..

It's cool to meet new people at a club, I have no problem with that. But I would avoid talking to strangers on the dance floor when I'm dancing. That's because in a crowded dance floor, your guy friends won't be able to move fast enough to defend you in case something bad happens. By time they'd come and protect you, there'd be some damage already.

There's a lot of things that's just so wrong when you go clubbing. The way girls dress up, the type of men that comes near you, the drunkards puking all over the place, the smell of cigarrettes, and so much more. But I'd still go back there. I'd still dance the night away. Hoping each time something would turn me off. Everytime I'd pray so hard that nothing bad happens. Either to me or my friends.

I think maybe I should find another way to 'let loose'. But I doubt I'll stop clubbing yet. We'll just have to wait and see..

Malaysian Medical Students Conference 2006

2006-05-17T10:16:00.000+08:00

Oh man..

You have not organised anything until you organise a nationwide medical student conference. Believe me, the experience is.. *sigh* The only word that comes to my head is moving.

The biggest task that the SRC(Student Representative Council) had since the last election was to organise a bi-annual medical conference where medical students from all public and private medical universities will gather for a weekend attending talks, workshops et cetera. The organising commitee decided to make this conference all about issues we do not learn from the classes and textbooks, thus the theme became "Et cetera: More That Just Medicine". We had talks on various specialties, Medico-legal Issue, Professionalism and Ethics, and even Telehealth and Health Information System. Workshops were on Personality and Teamwork, Harm reduction and the biggest event was a forum on current issues affecting medical students and doctors today. Other activities were a formal dinner, sports and games and a research project competition. All done in 3 days at Glory Beach Resort Port Dickson.

We went through a lot to organise this conference. There were complaints, disagreements and even times when we wanted to give up. It always seemed like there were problems cropping up everywhere. But as they said, the more challenging the journey, the more rewarding the destination. It was definitely a learning experience. My PR skills have improved alot. Believe me, it's not easy to talk to potential sponsors. I worked so hard to get the right speakers for each talks, and I can't describe how wonderful it felt when delegates complemented on how great the talks were. When Dato' Siva gave his talk on Ethics, and there was a point where the delegates laughed then cheered and clapped, my eyes was tearing. Even as I type this, my eyes are starting to tear. To know that you did everything you could to make something go right, and it does go right or exceed your expectations, it'll move you to tears.

The last night we were there, Ru Wei, Jill, Kenneth, Ivy and I were having our usual prayer session. I was tearing the whole time! I felt so tired, and all I was thinking of was how much I wanted to go to sleep, I sacrificed a lot in my studies for this conference, and to see the smiles on the delegates when they enjoyed the conference was definitely rewarding.

Like I said, the experience was moving. Will I organize another conference? Forget it, not in the near future. Now's the time to be a nerd and concentrate on Semester 7 exams. But thank God for all the times he came through for us..

Da Vinci Code

2006-05-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's the Da Vinci Code season right now all over the world. Gone is Lord of the Ring. The movie will be out on the 18th of May. You can bet I won't miss out on it.

I've managed to finish reading the book a week ago, just so that I can follow the movie. Chances are the movie won't be exactly like the book. But I'd rather know the original story first hand than to watch the movie and get confused. That is, if I get confused or lost. Anyway, since everyone was saying it was a great book, why not read it?

The book was definitely a page-turner. You can't help but feel excited about what was going to happen next and who the so-called Teacher was, and the controversy about how Jesus lived his life does make you ask questions.

But as a Christian, was my faith shakened by the things mentioned in the book? Not a bit. What's the big deal anyway? Maybe I just don't get too excited about these kind of things. This is not the first book I've read that challenges what the Bible tells us. To me, it's just fiction. Maybe the author did a lot of research before writing the book, maybe the information is true. But like what a priest said in CNN's Secret Bible Week programme, "We should be looking at the bigger picture. Not at what happened between Jesus and Mary. Jesus was a man that revolutionized the world with His teachings. That's the bigger picture."

OK. Just to make things clear, I can't remember how he phrased it, but it was something like that. How true.. most of what Jesus has taught us in the Bible are the very principles I try to follow religiously everyday of my life.

The day I accepted Christ in my life, a lot of miracles have happened that I truly believe in Him. Like the words in the song "One way, Jesus" I haven't turned back since.

My pastor agreed with one thing Dan Brown mentioned about his book, that it has awaken all the apathetic or indifferent Christians who have just sat back doing nothing while the world attacks Christianity.

I can't wait to see the story come on screen. If it's anything like the book, it's going to be good. Something to make my life in Seremban a bit more happening. Haha..

Do share your point of view. Whether it's on the book or Christianity itself, I would like to hear it.

Happening..

2006-05-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Argh. I can't take it anymore. I want to get out of here. I'm bored, depressed, totally hating my life now.

*pause*

OK-lah.. I was kidding there. 5 weeks of orthopaedic came and went. Ortho bored me to death big time! I think I only started learning stuff in the last week. Suddenly I knew that you used a dynamic hip screw for neck of femur fractures. I didn't know there was such a thing as a dynamic hip screw. Man, I'm such a bum lately. To make things worse, I had to clerk a spinal case for my exam. And he was unconscious!! I took the history from the patient's wife, but I had a problem doing physical examination. How does the professor expect me to report on the sensory examination? I couldn't even test motor tone and power. But chances are, I'll pass. *sigh* I hope I'll never have to go through orthopaedic again, but who am I trying to kid?

So my academic life in Seremban has been quite boring, but how about my social life? Wow.. truthfully speaking, I think I'm the most happening C2/05 in Seremban now. Really! Hear me out, and if you think there's someone more happening, feel free to bite back. Heehee.. It's all because I've started hanging out with the Semester 8s. That would include people like Kenneth, Jill, Terrence, Emily etc. Due to my SRC meetings, dance practices and CF meetings, almost all my dinners are with these people. Sem8 is pretty much a honeymoon semester, you'll have a lot of free time, So yeah, I'm glad that the Sem8s have included me in their free-time activities. Seriously, I would have died of boredom if it wasn't for them. But maybe I would have studied more and known what a dynamic hip screw was instead.

I went to Malacca for a one day visit with them. Music Nite was really great! ChoonSeng dedicated a song for me (thanks! I really like Wonderwall!), and to make things better, he sang it really well!! How often does that happen in a girl's life? Thanks for dinners, movies, CDs, roses and especially your friendship! It's always nice to have a good guy friend who really appreciates your company.

SRC is organizing a nationwide medical student conference next weekend. I will be staying in Port Dickson with 200 medical students for the whole weekend. Hopefully everything goes well. I can't help being excited. I really think studying in Seremban is good for me. A lot to learn, a lot of growing and yet a lot of fun here and there.

I will put up some photos soon. I'm finally going into Paediatrics, and my dad is one of the lecturers! Weird, but I'm excited nonetheless. Wish me luck!

Ain't life a peach

2006-04-07T00:27:00.000+08:00

"Do what makes you happy and everything will work out in the end."

I told that to a dear friend this week, after she mentioned that she felt sad that everyone was getting 'hooked-up' except her. I didn't really know what advise to give her other than this. Is she pretty? Yes, she has a great smile. And she's such an easygoing person, it's easy to break the ice when you meet her. And God knows she's a great friend to everyone. She would definitely find someone one day, it's just a question of when.

I've always been confident of who I am. There may have been days when I've had my insecurities.. but I've been through enough to be sure that I am happy with the way I am. I don't think anyone else is strong enough to 'survive' my life were they in my shoes. Thank God for the strength and patience I've had so far.

Back to the advise I gave her, I was not telling her to just have faith and smile her head off. I was basically telling her to put herself first. It's worked for me so far. No matter what the problem is, I would always find myself smiling at the end of the day because I would try hard to make myself happy. If I want to watch a movie, I'll force a friend to go with me. Shopping? Beg my dad for money. I'll do almost anything to convince myself that I am capable of finding happiness. In the end, everything usually works out. What do you think?

So much has happened the past 2 weeks. Psychiatry ended well. I had to clerk a schizophrenic patient for my exam and I'm happy with the results I got. Am missing that posting now, orthopaedic is not very exciting at the moment. Went clubbing with Linda, Ying Wei, Su Ann, Adrian and Wei Jin last Thursday. It was so great to let go and enjoy yourself, by dancing the night away. Wish I could go to Zouk again. There was this cute guy who kept following me around the dance floor, and when I went away, he took my hand and said hi. And I ended up hitting my head on his teeth! I burst out laughing and he just smiled *sigh*.

I have been busy having dance practices every evening for IMU Sban's Music Nite. Doing a Korean hip-hop dance. It's cool! Watched 2 great movies back to back (Inside Mind + V for Vendetta) with Ru Wei last night. It's amazing how I found a friend in an 'irritating' person. All is good over here.

Take care, everyone. God bless.

Must watch

2006-04-06T18:15:00.000+08:00

Argh!! Linda!! Why did you choose to broadcast that video?! :p

Heehee.. what you get when 4 best friends try to harmonize a Tatu song.

Red Box Disaster

F.R.I.E.N.D = K.A.W.A.N

2006-03-21T20:29:00.000+08:00

Who are we without our dear friends..

Who make better friends? Guys or girls?

It's funny how once upon an 'immature' time, I used to think that the more guy friends you had, the more admired you were. So yeah, learnt much later that it was my girlfriends who meant more to me. Not that I don't appreciate the friendship I have with some guys.. it's just that I'm more comfortable opening up to girls. And girls make great confidants. It's cool that I know one or two guys I would tell my secrets or problems to, but most of the time I'd rather tell my girlfriends. But I do know this for a fact, guys don't tell (except for a few) but most girls do tell. But most of the time it doesn't bother me as long as the story stays within a certain circle. Am I right? Believe me, even I am guilty of letting loose certain confidential information..

Having girlfriends allow you to be bimbo-ish. There's always someone to shop with, late night talks about boys and gossip, excitement over fashion and beauty stuff, and the best part: hugging! Whenever you need a hug, you can definitely depend on your girlfriends. The thing you must be careful about girlfriends: Never betray the ones who are very close to you. A guy may forget about it and move on, most girls remember till the end. It's a protective mechanism I think.

With guys? What else if not to enjoy eating a buffet with! Not only that, who else can we bully into being gentlemen: making them carry stuff, drive you around, accompany you to creepy places.. I've not had much problems getting along with guys so far. The refreshing thing about having a guy friend is having a conversation that doesn't revolve around appearances and gossip. With a guy, you'd probably be talking about anything 'gadget-y'. And not forgeting computer games and 'anime'. Of course there are guys who gossip as well.

One more week for psychiatry to end.. orthopaedic, here I come..

The worst train ride

2006-03-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

There are days I think Lydia is smart for skipping Friday plenaries..

After what I thought was a beneficial lecture on ENT, I was dropped at the KTM station by Akmal somewhere around 4.45 p.m. As soon as I arrived, I noticed a huge crowd in the station. All lining up to buy tickets. Aaaarrrggghh!! Looks like the boarding school students are on holiday. Die. The line was so long. I went to line up to buy my ticket from the ticket machine, thinking the line would move faster. After 15 minutes, the machine decided to 'conk-out' and refused to accept notes. Thank God there was 2 seniors (Gene and Vijay) lining up to buy tickets from the ticket counter. They allowed me to cut queue and buy my ticket with them. *yeah* A junior even asked me later whether I wanted her to buy my ticket for me at another ticket machine (the benefit when you help out with orientation), but I declined, thinking it'd be a hassle for her. I didn't mind waiting in line with the seniors.

Then the next bad thing happened. The train was delayed for almost one hour! Thank God again for the 2 seniors! At least I was not bored to death..

When the train arrived, I didn't walk into the train, I was pushed into it! And lo and behold, luck was on my side again when a junior managed to save a seat for me despite the huge crowd pushing their way in the train. I sat next to her through the whole train ride, talking about studies and life in Seremban. I'm such a good senior..hehehe..*self-praise*

Just when I thought I'm an hour away from home, the train stopped 4 stations away from my destination! And it stopped for half-an-hour! Nooooo...!!! Even when it started moving again, it was so slow. And it kept stopping again and again.

When it finally reached the station I was coming off, it was 7.50 p.m. You count the hours it took me to reach there. I was so tired. And hungry. I couldn't wait to fall asleep on my bed.

By the time I reached home it was 8.30 p.m. *sigh*

Hopefully next week will not be a repeat.